One of Those Crazy Girls
by WhiteRabbit93
Summary: Spencer "turned straight" and broke up with Ashley senior year. 7 years later at a wedding, they're thrown back together again. Now they're trying to forget the past and be friends, but it's proving to be tough in more ways than one.
1. Chapter 1

**************Ashley****************

"Ashley, wake up! It's 2:30, we're supposed to be there at 2!"

I stir a little, waiting for the annoying noise to stop so I can go back to sleep.

"Ashley I will drag your ass out of this bed right this second if you don't get up, come on, everyone else is already there!"

"Jesus, fine just shut up already, Kyla!"

I throw my pillow at my irritating sister while I throw my legs out from the comfortable blanket. I hate having these obligations to be places just because I'm in a band. Isn't the point of the band to just…play music? Hang out with your fans? Why do we have an interview with magazines that we can't skip out on every other day? Apparently if you have talent, the media thinks you own it something.

"Will you drive me? I can't even open my eyes," I say as I'm trying my best to apply at least a measly amount of eyeliner to my lids. The Austin Music Journal is interviewing "the band" at 3 today live on air, about our recent album release. Of course, I say "the band," but really they'll talk to me the whole time because focus tends to go toward the lead singer and one and only girl. Is it hard being the only girl in a band you ask? Nah. It's like having four protective brothers around me at all times, it's actually quite freeing. Girls are whiny and high maintenence, and I can only stand them for a night anyway. Works out in my favor, I guess.

Plus it keeps the pervy guys at bay.

"Yes I'll drive you. Ashley what the hell are you doing?!"

"What? I'm walking out the door like you've been screaming at me to do for the last 30 minutes!"

"You're not wearing pants, Ashley!" She lets out an annoyed grunt before pulling me into the closet for another try at getting ready.

"Oops…" I grab a pair of dark skinny jeans and my converse and pull them on, and we attempt to leave my apartment loft that we share, for the second time.

"Kyla I think being my manager just means managing me, not yelling at me every chance you get."

"Maybe if you'd make managing you a little easier, I wouldn't have to yell. It's the only way to get your attention anymore."

"Yeah, and every dog in the city's attention, too."

She slaps my arm and starts throwing the bags into her Kia Soul as we reach the parking garage.

"Where are we going again?"

She just sighs and keeps driving, apparently too stressed out to deal with me.

"I just thought I'd ask so I know what I'm supposed to be talking about today. You don't have to give me the attitude, I have interviews so often, I'm beginning to forget how to talk about anything else other than myself."

"And that's different from growing up with you, how…?

This time it's my turn to slap her arm.

"Hey, don't hit the driver!"

I laugh and turn on the radio. I hear shit, shit, and more shit. Finally I pop in my band's new album, and start singing along to, well, myself. I'm most definitely my band's biggest fan.

"Hey!" Kyla yells. I turn down the music and look at her strange outburst.

"You just interrupted my favorite song. What do you want?"

"I forgot to tell you. Chelsea and Clay are getting married back in LA, I opened the invitation this morning."

I pick at my shirt and don't say anything for a few seconds.

"So?"

She looks over at me, incredulous.

"Ash, come on, Chelsea was one of our best friends! You can't just not go to the happiest day of her life because you can't handle…Clay's family."

"Actually, I'm in a band that just went triple platinum on our second album ever, so I think that truly I can act like a complete bitch and no one would question it."

She keeps glancing over at me with an unreadable look in her eyes.

I stare out of my side window to try and not notice it. I know what she's thinking. I'm pathetic. It's been 7 years and I'm still pathetically avoiding even saying that bitch's name. Both of those bitches. After all, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

"Ash…"

"Can you just drive me to my 'oh so important' radio interview so I can get this over with and get back to bed?"

"Fine." She sped up, and didn't look at me for the rest of the trip.


	2. Chapter 2

***Hi anyone who's currently reading this! Here's the next bit, I'll be posting more and more over the next couple of days, don't worry, I won't forget about you! I don't own SON and feel free to correct any weird mistakes I may have made, I'm not exactly a fact checking type of girl lol***

We arrived outside a big building that has a group of people standing outside the door, apparently waiting for me.

"I'm here, I'm here. Sorry," I say, as I see the amused faces of my band mates through the front glass window.

"Hey Ashley, do you think they would have just cancelled if you never showed up, even if the entire band was here except you?" Jake asked me, his teasing smirk bigger than his face.

I smirked at my overly gay keyboardist, and say, "well who else would they ask incredibly sexist questions to? You guys? Sorry, your penises omit you from that category, and then they'd just have to rewrite all their questions, so does that answer you?"

I smiled at the rest of my band, Sean, my bassist who I went to King High with, who followed me to Austin for the band. Ethan, who knew my dad and decided to join up because he knew guitar really well, and most importantly knew me. And then there's Aiden, who, well, we have a history. We dated, then he knocked me up, I lost the baby, and we just stayed friends after that. I imagine the hurt from losing the baby just, killed anything we had. Now we're incredibly close and I don't know what I'd do without him. He plays drums, by the way.

Oh, you're asking about me being gay, and how I dated a boy? Well, sometimes you just can't help who you fall in love with, boy or girl. Even if it's straight girl. And then after you do fall, you're officially fucked.

I sit down at the microphone and put on the headset, ready for the questioning to begin, after greeting everyone in the studio, including Joel, the radio host.

"So Ashley, we'll go on in about 5 minutes, we'll just ask you a few routine questions and just give us the best answer you can think of."

"Alright partner, though this isn't my first rodeo."

He laughs, and start playing with his papers, as Sean leans over to me before the broadcast starts.

"Hey, did you get Chelsea's invite?"

"Yeah, well, Kyla told me about it on the way over here."

"Well, we going or what? Come on, first of our friends get married? That's pretty crazy."

"Yeah well, I'm pretty sure I'm busy that week so I don't know if I'll be able to go."

"What week?" He looks at me suspiciously.

"The week it happens." I look away, trying to avoid his knowing eyes.

"Tell me the dates that the wedding is, if you know for a fact you're busy."

I look at him with my famous, "fuck off," look, while I hear the broadcast starting. He giggles at me while I start fiddling with the collar of my plaid button up while trying not to think about the Wedding.

I mean… I do want to go… for Chels. She got me through so much, by just being there for me back in high school. But I can't be there…not with that family. Not with the homophobic, bigot mother of Clay's. I can't sit in the room with that woman. And even more, I can't sit in the room with her daughter.

At the allowance of me to think about her for even a second, I start to feel a heavy weight start of my chest and stomach. This is why I can't go, I just can't.

Then again…I'm 24 years old for fuck's sake. I need to be able to get over this. I feel more pathetic than I worry about other people thinking it about me.

I'm going to get whiplash from going back and forth so much.

I'm so caught up in my thoughts, I feel a smack on my leg, and all the sudden realize I've been asked a question.

"Oh sorry, I was just having a quick nap, can you repeat the question?"

Everyone giggles and the interview starts his question over again.

"I was just asking, how you guys got along making this new album?"

"Oh well, we fought, as usual, but I think for us, the fight is what makes the album the best. It brings those frustrations out, brings them to the surface and then it's easier to put more emotion into the songs."

"Awesome, awesome. So there's some listeners out there that I'm sure are wondering, do you pick out your own outfits for stage, and do your own makeup?"

Ahhh, the interview had a good start, now we're back to THOSE questions.

"Well you know, I think the guys should be asked this one, man, they have an extensive preparation every night of the tour, and I take only about 10 minutes to get ready."

Everyone laughs again, but he doesn't let up.

"Hahah, I'm sure, but how does it feel, you know, being a girl in a male dominated genre of music?"

Sigh. I notice the guys are shooting glances to one another, hoping I will keep my cool. Kyla is in the corner, practically chewing through a pen in nervousness.

"Well, yes, rock has many, many really amazing males singers in the genre, I will agree. But what about Janis Joplin? Jefferson Airplane? I mean, jesus, Stevie Nicks, Pattie Smith, you name it, plenty of women who, in my and other's opinions, dominate the rock genre more than any man ever has. And believe me, Joel, the world domination feels _fantastic_."

I give him a small smirk, and he lets out a small uncomfortable chuckle and looks back down to his paper. The rest of the interview goes pretty much the same, but I kept my cool, wanting to get out of there without losing any extra of my time because I decided to teach him a lesson about woman being just as equal as men.

After breathing through that, I slide back into Kyla's car after actively avoiding Sean's fervent questions about the wedding, and anyone else who wanted to talk. Which I found difficult because people were everywhere and it's not like I'm the most invisible person in a room. Once in the car, I see Kyla coming out, phone on her ear, talking very animatedly. When she sees that I'm in the car, she turns around quickly, says some last words, then hangs up and gets in.

"And who was that?"

"Why does it matter?" She puts on her seatbelt and starts up the car.

"Most often than not, it doesn't. But when you act strange, I get the feeling there's a reason I should have concern. You're not as opaque as you think."

She laughs and just says, "do you want to go out to dinner tonight to celebrate your calm headedness today during the asshat interrogation?"

I let the phone call slide for now, after realizing how incredibly hungry I was. It was 5, now, a little early for food, but I figure it would be 6:30 before food even sits down in front of my face, so I start to get excited at the thought.

"So I can pick?"

"Hell yeah, go for it." She turns on the song she had yelled over earlier on the way to the studio, and starts singing along to it, with a sunny disposition I haven't seen in her in months.

And I know something's up.

But at this point, my stomach doesn't care, it just wants to be fed, so I pick my favorite Thai food restaurant in Downtown Austin, where I eat at least once a week.

Another warning sign, Kyla didn't even put up a fight when I said I wanted to eat there. She hates Thai food. And she hates that I go there so often.

My brain and my stomach start fighting over what's more important, suspicion or food.

Food always wins.


	3. Chapter 3

We arrive in the parking lot, me already putting on a hat and sunglasses so I can have a meal in peace, when I see Sean's car already there. What the hell? He hates this restaurant too.

Ohhhhh….I see what this is. It's a gang up. All the sudden, food doesn't seem so important.

"Ashley, what are you doing?"

I had the door half open, staring the the car.

"Kyla, please don't do this to me."

"Ashley just come inside, and we'll talk about it in there. You're a grown ass woman, what do you think we could possibly do to you?"

I nod, but still hesitant to open my door and step out.

She gets out and walks around to me, takes my hand, and pulls me into the restaurant.

Barbara, my favorite waitress spots me immediately, and I can't help but smile. The one woman I'm not related to that I can always count on. Even if it's just for food. I love this Thai food yielding lady standing in front of me.

"Ash!" She whispers and summons us to a back room where there's only two tables and a booth. Sean's already there, as I suspected, and he waves at me like a dork.

"Yes, hi Sean, thank you for waving to me, as if I couldn't see you."

"Whew, she's in a mood today, huh Ky?" He looks at her, and she nods, eyes wide.

I slide into the booth, while they sit on the opposite of as me. We give our order to Barbara, she leaves, and then I get nervous.

"Okay, just cut to the chase you guys."

Kyla takes a sip of her water glass, places it on the table, and then looks me in the eyes.

"Ashley Davies, we think you should go with us. To the We-"

"Ashley you bum, you just rushed out of the studio without even a goodbye to me." Aiden slides into the seat next to me, taking my water glass and downing half of it.

"Oh come on!" I look at the two sitting across from me, "you brought him into this too?"

"No actually," Aiden starts, "I just got my invite this morning and I knew it was going to take a bit of convincing to make you go, and I knew these guys never stood a chance against you. So I followed you guys here."

"Creeper." I shot him a look, but at this point I know there's no way I'm walking out of this alive.

"Anyway, as I was saying before Aiden showed up, Ashley we want you to go with us. All of us, to the Wedding. We'll be there with you the whole time, we won't leave your side, we promise."

Aiden pitchs in, "Yeah Ash, and since I'm going, that's even better for you. I know you feel more comfortable with me than these weirdos, and think about it, you haven't seen Chelsea in years! Don't you miss her?"

"Yeah," I said in a small voice. "I do."

"Okay then, put all those things together and I really think we can have a good time. Please, we won't let Paula near you. I promise. Love, this could actually get you some closure." Aides says the last part quieter than the rest. I wince at the sound of the demon's name, but I can't just ignore all the good point their making.

It's not really Paula I'm worried about. I could go there and just shove my gayness in her face. It's… well, you know. Miniature Paula I can't handle. But there's no way I'm admitting that to these guys.

"Fine."

"Ashley, please, I… wait, what?" Kyla looked like I just told her I wanted to reenact a Steven King novel.

"I said fine. I'll go."

Everyone around me starts telling me their proud of me and starts celebrating with the shrimp rolls that just came out, but I can't hear them. All I can hear is her voice in my head.

 _"_ ** _Ashley please don't be like this. I'm sorry I lied to you, I guess I was just…rebellious and lonely, my parents were going through a really rough time, my mom was cheating, and I hated seeing my dad like that, I just, I'm sorry, I'm just not gay. I never have been and I never will be."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You're such a fucking liar! You're just saying that because your mom is disgusted with gays! You know better than to let her win Spence! I can't believe you, I can't believe this is happening, after all we've been through. You're letting her win!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm not, I'm just not letting you win!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What? What the hell does that mean?!"_**

 ** _"…_** ** _you heard me. I won't let you bring me down with you. This isn't what God wants for me. I've talked to my mom's pastor a lot, Ash, and…_**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't fucking call me that. And don't you dare bring up your God. He's dead to me, and now so are you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ashley don't say that, I'm sorry, please don't leave like that…" I don't stick around to see her tears. Right now, I couldn't care less if she was on the ground begging for me not to leave._**

 ** _It's too late. I'm never coming back._**

And I didn't. I haven't been back to LA since, and I never really planned on returning. My mom lives there still, which once again, doesn't make me feel good about going within a thousand miles of the city. But if this could be what I need to do…for closure…then I'll do it.

I just hope I don't regret it.


	4. Chapter 4

***Here's Chapter Four! I've written a lot of this story before I started uploading, so anyone who wanted to read it wouldn't have to wait long to get to the next part. I hate that when I'm a reader, so I try to have sympathy. Hahaha. Once again, I do not own SON, but God I wish I did. Enjoy!***

*****************Spencer******************

"Babe? It's time for me to leave." I open one eye to look at the clock. I promised Chelsea I'd meet her for maid of honor duties this morning. I haven't woken up this early in a long time. Patrick's already ready for work, he's putting on his watch before he kisses me and walks out the bedroom door.

I stretch and start trying to wake myself up.

"Spencer!" Patrick calls from the living room.

"What?" I called, a bit more annoyance in my voice than I intended.

"Nothing, just making sure you were conscious. I'll see you tonight!"

"Bye!" I called back, before sliding out of bed.

Patrick's my boyfriend of 7 years. My mom introduced us in high school, and even though it wasn't love at first sight, we've kind of learned to have a certain fondness of each other. It's kind of like being able to live with someone who you don't exactly hate, but you can still live with. I guess like most marriages are, we just aren't married.

He's not a terrible guy, but every once in a while you just need some time to yourself. Which is why I was happy to hear he wasn't going to be able to go to Chelsea's wedding. His parents anniversary was then, and they were going to the Bahamas and invited us along. I said no, but gave him a free pass.

Which he was thrilled about, because he wasn't really fond of any of my friends. So it worked out.

I get dressed and head into town to meet Chelsea at a coffee shop she loves. This is our first morning of meeting about my maid of honor duties, so I am a bit nervous. I've never done this before, after all.

"Spencer! Over here, girl!"

I spot her in a corner booth, wearing a cute polka dot dress than shows off her beautiful skin, and shoot her a smile. I love that girl, and I'm so glad she's becoming my sister soon.

"Chels! How are you holding up?" I ask as I slide into the booth with her, "nervous yet?"

"Oh girl I got nervous the second he asked me and haven't stopped yet."

"It'll be great! Just think of Clay, if you focus on him you'll forget everything else," I offer with a smile.

"And this is exactly why I asked you specially to do this job for me, my maid of honor." She winks and pulls out a huge folder of Wedding ideas, and we get to work. Three coffees later, we've stopped planning and started laughing and talking.

"Remember when you and Clay decided you were going to go on that roller coaster at Six Flags to prove you guys weren't scared? And Clay had just eaten all those hot dogs?"

"Oh Spencer don't even remind me! I still can't get the smell off my shoes!"

We laughed even harder and people were starting to stare.

"Oh god girl, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time," she says, wiping her eyes. "When did you become so funny?"

"Oh you like it? I was thinking of taking it on tour soon, actually." I teased and ordered another coffee to go, as we started packing up.

"Okay Spence, you take this small folder home with you."

"Alright, what is it?"

"Seating arrangements, RSVP's, pretty much everyone has already given me their RSVP's, so I think it's time to figure out what chair is going to hold who's butt."

"Hahah, okay, but you don't have any preferences?"

Well actually, I wrote a couple notes in there of who should or shouldn't sit by who, and you can just figure out the rest. Thank you so much Spencer, this is really sweet, what you're doing here for me."

"Of course! You're going to be my sister soon, and honestly you already are to me so I would do anything for you."

I shot her a smile then took the folder with me as we made our way into the parking lot. We said our goodbyes, and I headed to my 1965 black mustang coupe. I usually don't get cars like this, flashy, fast. My mom always told me they were for boys, and even though my argument was, but you named me a boy's name, it didn't win over with her well.

Nothing I wanted ever did.

But I'm 24 now, I can make my own decisions. Right?


	5. Chapter 5

***Sorry this one's a bit short, but the next ones should have some length to 'em.***

I get back to my house and decide to get on the seating arrangements later, that I needed to get some other work done first. I work at a record shop downtown, well, manage it actually. The owner's never around so I'm in charge of people's paychecks, vacation days, all the responsibilities of running a business. I love it there, I love music.

 ** _"_** ** _Hey Lucy, can you take these records and put them where they belong? Some guy came in the other day and took things out of the bins and laid them where he wanted, didn't even buy anything."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Sure, Spencer. Hey can I get tomorrow off? My dog needs surgery and there's no one to take him, you know…"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes you can, but next time you can just tell me you want to hang out with your boyfriend instead of this dog story, no offense but it's kinda lame."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Hahah sorry, okay I will."_**

 ** _I start organizing the records behind the counter when the song stops on the radio and they announce an exclusive interview with Ashley Davies and her band's new album._**

 ** _My ears perk up, as I listen to the slightly sexist questions this dill hole is asking._**

 ** _"_** ** _Well, yes, rock has many, many really amazing males singers in the genre, I will agree. But what about Janis Joplin? Jefferson Airplane? I mean, jesus, Stevie Nicks, Pattie Smith, you name it, plenty of women who, in my and other's opinions, dominate the rock genre more than any man ever has. And believe me, Joel, the world domination feels fantastic," I hear her say._**

 ** _I giggle, in spite of myself._**

I finish my work and open the seating arrangements. I see my family's names in a baggie on pieces of paper, and I take them out and sit them all at one table, near the bride and groom's table. Same with Chelsea's parents and relatives. I start opening other bags of names, careful to read Chelsea's instructions very carefully before just placing a name all willy nilly.

Then I see her name on a piece of paper. My hand starts to shake, and I put her next to Aiden and her sister. Like she would want. Far away from me.

Like she would want.


	6. Chapter 6

*****************Ashley*******************

"Aiden can't we just get in our own car and drive to Cabo?"

"Ash, come on, you said you were okay with this. You said you were over it like a hundred times last night. You have to go, you already RSVPed and it would make you look like you chickened out if you bolt now."

I growled and threw a shirt I was supposed to be packing at his face.

"I really hate it when you're right, you know."

"Please get packed, Kyla is already packing up my SUV with all our stuff, if she comes back up here and finds out you're not ready…"

He shudders and starts helping my by throwing my bathroom supplies into a bag for me.

"Why aren't we flying again?"

"I don't want to talk about this again. You know I'm…scared."

Hahaha I knew that, I just wanted to hear him say it.

I laughed and finally zipped up the suitcase after shoving in a cute cocktail dress I figured was wedding appropriate enough. Hey, if I was lucky, I could meet a girl there and then I could maybe have a moment to ease the tension, if you know what I mean.

We get downstairs and start piling things into the backseat just as Sean shows up, with Ethan and Jake in tow.

"What, we're all going now?"

"Of course! We've only seen a little bit of LA when we tour in Cali, but we're never been able to go with you, see where you grew up and stuff. Besides there's cute guys there, and I can't pass that up. Texas boys are…well. They're not LA boys. Didn't Kyla tell you we were coming?" Jake looked over at Kyla, who promptly looked down.

"No she didn't. Probably thought it'd freak me out into not going."

She'd have been right.

I climbed into the very back seat and let Aiden climb back there with me. Kyla and Sean took the front seats and Ethan and Jake took the middle seats.

I put in my head phones and started to mentally prepare myself for the 20 hour drive ahead of us, ultimately leading me to my doom. I popped a prozac that I usually reserve for big sold out shows, and laid back, listening to my music.

White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane. Music to calm my pounding heart. We were already 10 hours into our trip, and it was about 5 in the afternoon. Yeah, we left that early. Every once in a while I'd take out my headphones to hear everyone in the car giggling and played "car games," and me, not wanting to participate in this foolishness just kept playing all 5,873 songs that were on my iPod, and tried to ignore my own mind. But I found that impossible.

 ** _"_** ** _Mom, stop!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ashley, get out of my house!"_**

 ** _This bitch is ripping my fucking hair out, and she is absolutely freaking out Spencer, oh man if she wasn't Spence's mom I'd turn around and pop her right in her fucking…_**

 ** _"_** ** _Dad please, I love her!" Was the last thing I hear before I was shoved out the door._**

 ** _God, I can't believe Paula just walked in. I should march back in there, Spencer needs me…I hate this, God I hate this! Why do I have to be in love with a girl whose mom is the devil incarnate herself?_**

 ** _Spencer…she makes it all worth it._**

 ** _I'm still fuming as I reach my car and hesitate a good 20 minutes before driving off. I hate leaving her with Paula…I hate having to drive away. I hate not being with her this very moment._**

 ** _This could very well be the worst night I've ever had, and that's saying something._**

I wake up to Aiden shaking my shoulder. I pull out my ear buds and shoot him a look.

"What, Aiden?"

"We're here, Ash."

I just realized it's completely dark outside, and we're pulling into a Hilton.

"What time is it?" I ask while rubbing my eyes.

"It's 1 am. I shaved off a couple hours with a little bit of speed," Sean winks at me from the driver's seat. When did he start driving? I can see Kyla asleep in the passenger seat and can honestly not remember feeling us stop at all for a switch. I must have been out cold.

"A little? I'm surprised you weren't pulled over and put into jail, you maniac," Jake says while jumping out of the car to get his bag.

Sean laughs and walks into front door to sign us in.

I told Kyla earlier in the week when she got us room reservations that I didn't want to share a room with anyone else, I wanted my own. She was upset because she wanted to share with me, but I didn't care. I want this to be easy on me, and having to come back to a room full of Kyla wouldn't be great. Plus what if I meet someone? This is LA after all.

LA. My hometown.

Ugh let's just get this over with.

I fall asleep as soon as my head hits my pillow, completely untouched by the fact that I just spent the last 5 hours sleeping.

Tomorrow's going to be hard.


	7. Chapter 7

I wake up the next morning a little earlier than I normally would. I showered, brushed my teeth and hair, and then started trying to pick out what I was going to wear. I brought back up dresses…just in case. I picked the cocktail dress anyway, and threw it on the bed. I went into the bathroom to blow-dry my hair and apply make up.

Should I straighten my hair? Yeah I should. It'll help my red streak show up better. Should I put on eye liner?

Yeah I guess I should. Eye shadow…I'll go for smokey eye. God I'm so nervous, I hate this.

I finish with my face and hair, and look into the mirror. God I look hot. So why am I so unsure about everyhitng?

I decide to stop staring and get dressed, resigned to my fate. I need to shake some nerves loose so I turn on Dexy's Midnight Runner's 'Come on Eileen,' and try to dance the nerves out.

I heard a knock on the door. So I shut off the music to answer it.

Kyla, of course. I let her in so she can start her morning bitching schedule.

"Ashley, put on some clothes! We need to leave soon."

"Kyla, the wedding doesn't start for another 4 hours, beside I was just about to put on my dress…" I said while picking it up.

"I know but we want to be there to see her before she goes up there, right? And you need to put on other clothes, you get dressed when you get there. Everyone knows that."

"So I guess I'm not everyone, then?"

"Just get dressed, come on."

Great now I have to find something ELSE to wear. I decide on my patented dark skinny jeans and some flats, and my 99 Luftballons shirt, and packed up my dress in with Kyla's in her fancy dress…holder.

"So where is it we're heading on this fine morning?" I ask, suddenly aware that I have no idea where the wedding is being held.

She opened her mouth to speak but then Aiden knocked on the door. Soon, it was too much in my room so we left to go out to the car.

Everyone had their clothes in their holders… what the hell are those called?… and we started driving in through the heart of the city. An hour of traffic later, I finally look out the window to see if I recognized where we were. After living in this city my whole life, learning to drive here, I was pretty good at knowing where we were.

I see Kyla glacning at me from the front seat, as I take in our surroundings.

I gasp. LOUD.

"Kyla what the FUCK?!"

Aiden grabbed my hand, as I had just lunged over Jake to try and strangle my sister.

"Ashley it's not her fault, we knew you wouldn't come at all if you knew it was at the Carlin's house!" Aiden tried to defend her, as he was also trying to hold me down.

"I can't BELIEVE you guys wouldn't tell me it's being held here! Do you think this is a fucking joke?" I'm panting as we get closer and closer to the house.

"No, Ashley, we don't, we thought….we thought…."

"You thought WHAT?!"

"Stop yelling Ash!" Aiden finally let go of me. "We thought this would be good for you. We thought…you could talk to her. Get some stuff off your chest that you've been holding in. Besides only the wedding is held here, but the reception is somewhere else. In some building near by."

I start trying to control my breathing. Don't get me wrong, I still wanted to kill everyone in the car, but I needed this to go well. So I started the breathing excersises my therapist told me to try out.

I guess it's about time to start listening to the dude I pay so much money to, to fix me up.

Aiden aprehensively looks at me while everyone starts piling out, except me and him.

"Ash, you're my best friend. You know I wouldn't do any of this just to hurt you. I'm trying to help you. You know that. I love you, and Kyla and Sean love you. The other two, they don't really know why everyone was just freaking out, I think, but I know they love you too! So come in there with me, stay by my side, hold my hand. We'll get through this together. But I know something good can come of this. Okay?"

I slowly nod, and he hugs me.

I hate to admit I feel better.

He helps me out of the car and grabs his clothes and mine, and takes my hand in his other.

I give him a quick kiss on the cheek, and we shut the door and head toward the front walk way.

I haven't seen this walkway since the night she broke up with me. I haven't seen these lines in the sidewalk, the weird shaped bushes…the upstairs windows…in 7 years. Every step I take is throbbing at the broken places of my heart I had done so well to shut out all these years.

We get to the door after what seemed like an hour walk, and we knock.

"ASHLEY ON MY GOD!" I see a rush of beautiful black skin as a body collides with me, almost knocking me clean over.

I laugh, momentarily forgetting I am standing in the doorway of the pit of hell, because I'm so excited to see her.

"Chelsea! Holy crap you look like the most beautiful bride I've ever seen, you getting married in those jeans?"

"Hahaha! You haven't lost your sense of humor I see!" Get your ass in here, we're gonna talk!"

"She drags me into the front entrance room, and I try to keep my eyes down. I train my feet to guide me through without having to look up, as I'm pushed onto the couch, Aiden on my heels, and hounded for information about everything I've been up to, besides what she's heard on the radio, and how proud she is of me for actually doing my dream up right, like I've always wanted. We talked for a good 30 minutes, people coming and going, me not recognizing any of them. Yet.

Someone came in to tell Chelsea they needed her upstairs, something to do with the dress, and I got a reprieve. People were starting to thing out in the house, everyone going to the backyeard where I assume the wedding was being held. I walked to the back room to look out there, telling Aiden I was fine and he could go ahead and go out and say hi to everyone. Kyla was already out there, talking to Madison and Glen. Clay was nowhere to be seen… but there was Paula in the middle of the yard. All the sudden I was glad I was inside, safe.

I tried not to focus on her, and tried to focus on something else. Something else that had been nagging at me. I start wondering around on my own, nonchalantly creeping, when I heard a voice behind me.


	8. Chapter 8

"She's out with Clay right now." I jump and turn around to see Arthur. I start stammering, trying to get a word out.

"I-I w-wasn't, y-y-ou know, um…w-who?"

"Spencer," he said, smiling. I forgot how intuitive he was.

"Oh no, I mean, I-I was j-just…"

Arthur laughed and walked up to me to give me a big hug. God I missed this man. He was the only person I'd ever met that treated me like his own daughter, since my dad was never around. I still can't believe he still feels that way.

"I'm so glad to see you Ashley," he says as he lets me go. "I'm glad you decided to come."

"Me too, Mr. C." I gave him a smile I couldn't stop. Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad time after all.

All the sudden I hear someone clear their throat.

And I start to panic.

"Paula! Look, Ashley made it!" Arthur tried to diffuse some of the already building tension. Paula looked over at me and smiled. I couldn't tell if it was a legitimate smile or not, but before I had a chance to figure it out, Chelsea appeared out of nowhere to pull me back to our conversation.

"Come on girl, come up stairs with me and take a look at my DRESS. It's like angels put it together with their owns hands. Kyla's already up there with Madison."

I laugh and follow her, but faltering a little at the base of the stairs.

"You okay?"

"Yeah sorry, I haven't used stairs in a while, I guess," I joke, trying to play it off.

We both laughed a little, her's more sincere than mine, and I started to follow her. Like a smooth criminal.

"Where um, where are we headed?" I was scared of the answer, though I thought I already knew.

She stops when we reach the top hallway, in front of glen's old room.

"Um…well, Spencer's old room. Is that okay…?"

"Oh, uh…"

"If it's not that's okay, I can just show you later!"

"No Chels, it's fine, really. She's not um, she's not back, right? From going out with Clay?"

She smiled a bit but stopped herself. "No, they'll be out for a little while. Someone screwed up the flower order so they went to fix it. Of course, the day of."

She starts walking again, toward the room at the end of the hall. She opens the door, and it's like the past slaps me in the face. The room hasn't changed one bit. The bed, where we made love, still there. The chair where we would sit and hold each other, still there. The beads hanging from the bathroom entrance where I would watch her walk in and out, trying to find something to wear countless times, still hanging there, like they were waving to me a long awaited 'hello.'"

 ** _"_** ** _Ash?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Hm?" I ask, my face buried in a magazine._**

 ** _I think my parents left now. I was only half listening. There was an expose on a new band I was digging in there, and I forgot the Carlin's where leaving for the weekend._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah sounds good, love."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Aaaaaaash…"_**

 ** _Finally I looked up. She was wearing a bathrobe, and nothing else. The robe wasn't tied, so it hung loose, giving me a small sneak peak at her wonderland of a body. All the sudden I completely forgot about whatever that band was called, and she was mine._**

I snapped out of it, hoping no one noticed I left. I seemed they were so enamored with the excitement, they didn't even notice my weird face.

"Ash come check this out!" Chelsea squealed as she showed me the dressed that was expertly hung on the mannequin.

"Wow Chels! That's beautiful!"

It really was, it was lacey but not frilly it was sleek but it had body to it, it was gorgeous.

"Hey Davies," Madison almost seemed like she just noticed me.

"Oh, hey Madison," I really did just notice her. And Kyla.

"How's the rockstar life treating you?" She seemed to genuinely mean her question, so I guess all of our beef from before was erased from 7 years ago. I was happy I didn't have to deal with that drama, considering there was already a grown ass woman downstairs who was already plotted my murder, I suspect.

We talked a little, me and Madison, before Aiden showed up outside to the door to whisk me away.

"Ash, want to come see the backyard?" He sounded kind of weird, rushed almost.

"Um yeah, I suppose so. I mean… is Paula still out there, or…?"

"No," Chelsea chimed in, giggling a little, "I imagine Paula's getting dressed by now. We all should start doing that here after a while. Ash come back up before the ceremony, please? You'll help my nerves!"

I told her I'd try, but before I could say a proper good luck, Aiden was draggin me out of the door.

"Jesus, Aiden, what's the big hurr…"

There she was. Right around the corner. She hadn't changed a bit…maybe a bit more grown up, maybe a bit more beautiful. But she was…my Spencer. Those eyes met mine before I realized what I was doing, and I looked down as quick as I could. I could feel Aiden nervousness next to me. Surprisingly though… I wasn't nervous. I was…crumbling. I decided to hold it together for Chelsea's best interest.

"Ash…ley." She looked at me, hoping to catch my eye again.

"Oh, uh… hi," I said in a small voice. I couldn't muster up any more than that.

I just noticed Clay was right next to her, as uncomfortable as Aiden was.

He caught my eye after a moment of silence.

"Hey Ash! It's great to see you, really, thanks for coming!" He said, as he wrapped me in a hug. Oh yeah, I forgot I liked Clay.

"Welp," Aiden offered, "we best get changed before it gets too late I guess! See you guys!" He says as he starts to pull me toward downstairs.

I'm in a trance. It's the first time I've seen her in years. She just…she looks fantastic. Her blonde hair just as perfect as I always remember. Then I start to remember what else I always remember.


	9. Chapter 9

**_"_** ** _Ashley…can we talk? Maybe outside?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Um…yeah, okay, sure."_**

 ** _I showed up at Spencer's door, knowing her parent's wouldn't be home, expecting a beautiful weekend. I wasn't expecting Spencer to meet me on the landing and ask to instantly go back outside to talk._**

 ** _I'm a little…nervous._**

 ** _We walk outside and sit on the bench where I almost told her I loved her once. When we were still friends._**

 ** _She hesitates, and clears her throat. All the sudden, she seems very business like._**

 ** _"_** ** _Ashley, I don't know…I don't think we can see each other anymore."_**

 ** _…_** ** _.what did she just say?_**

 ** _"_** ** _Um…wait, what?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You and I, we have to break up."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Spencer…don't do this. This is because of her isn't it?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No Ashley it's because of me. It's because I don't think this is what I want."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't THINK?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No…I know it isn't."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why are you doing this, Spencer? Please tell me!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm not gay. I thought I was for a little while, but…I was wrong."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh Spencer, PLEASE don't do this!"_**

 ** _I see her flinch at my begging. But she remains cold. She turns into someone else. Someone else's Spencer._**

"Aiden come in here and help me zip up, please!"

"Yep, on it!"

I was getting more tired of these flashbacks than I was upset about being here.

They weren't helping.

"Damn Ash, sure you don't want to date again?" He laughs as he gives me a look-over, raises his eyebrows, and walks out.

"In your dreams, Aid!" I call out to him as he crosses the now empty living room, toward the backyard that was filling up quickly.

"I'll save you a seat!"

He walked out of the door, and closed it behind him. So much for him staying right by my side.

I start to walk, and then stop, my breathing becoming labored. I don't know if I can go out just yet…I need a minute to…collect my head.

"Ash…?"

I spun around and see those blue freaking eyes staring right into my soul again.

"Are you okay?"

I look down, after noticing the amazing blue bridesmaid outfit she was wearing.

"Shouldn't you be up there with Chelsea?"

"Well…I was hoping you were down here, actually."

She looks down at my shoes. Or that's what my assumption was, because it looked like she was checking me out. Which isn't what straight girls do, so she was probably looking at my shoes, like I said. My imagination if re-fucking-diculous.

"Really?"

"Yes…I mean, I wanted to maybe talk to you."

"Can we, um…can we do this later?" My breathing was starting to getting smaller and smaller. Then my vision went black.

I opened my eyes and saw hers. For a minute I thought this was another flashback. A good one, one I can hold onto and maybe not hate her as much when I really do wake up. Her worried looked turned to relief, as I realized I have no memories that involve her holding me after I pass out in her living room after fainting. This was real life. Spencer Carlin's face was just a foot from mine. I could smell her spearmint breath, her coconut shampoo.

Man it's been 7 years, she still uses the same shampoo? I hate that. I hate smelling that freaking smell that I used to smell deeply when she would fall asleep in my arms. I hated that I missed that smell.

"Ashley are you okay? You passed out!"

I start to stand up, realizing her hands were holding me too much, too close. Her left hand was on my lower back, her right hand had moved from the side of my stomach to the side of my face. I want…need her to let go. But she helps me anyway.

"I'm fine, S-Spencer." It was only the second time I've said her name. It's weird hearing it come out of my mouth. I'm not used to it. I don't want to be.

"Please let me help you, I'll go help some water…"

"You can't help me."

She looks up at me, at my face. In my eyes. She opens her mouth to say something, when her mom walks in the room.

Oh my god, I really don't want to pass out again.

"Spencer, Chelsea needs you upstairs."

"Well…" she looks over at me again, maybe wanting to know if she had a reason to stay. I nod my head for her to go, and she does.

I stand there, while Paula stares at me.

"Paula, look, I don't know if you hate me or not still, but if you do, just know I've been holding in a huge, "fuck you," that I can whip out anytime, so please just let me go on my way.

She walks over to me and stands about two feet away. I'm feeling more uncomfortable than I have in a looooooong time at this point. She looks at my face, and says,

"Ashley…it's good to see you. It really is. You can hold onto that, "fuck you," for another day."

She laughs a little at herself and walks up the stairs, my eyes following her.

The fuck just happened? Did she just…did she just say she was glad to see me? And then say the word "fuck?"

Oh man I really might past again now. Aiden came in just in time to help me outside. I sit next to him and start fanning myself with what I'm assuming is some sort of pamphlet? Who makes a pamphlet for their wedding?

I remind myself I love Chelsea and I shouldn't ridicule her. But I want to a little bit.

I mean…really.

Suddenly, music starts out of nowhere. It isn't loud or anything, but it gives me a heart attack, regardless. After all, I think Paula did just say she was happy to see me. Either that, or I finally broke, mentally.

Everyone turns around to face the double doors leading outside.


	10. Chapter 10

***I've literally posted 9 chapters already all in one night. I'm beginning to worry no one will be able to comment of anything I've written so far, but you have corrections, questions, or just comments, go crazy! I'd love to hear any of them! Okay, chapter 10, here it goes!***

************Spencer*************

I walk down the stairs with Chelsea, trying to focus on what happened in the living room earlier. I shouldn't have left Ashley after she passed out…but I can tell when Ashley doesn't want help. Then again, I used to be able to. She so different now. Everything is different. I think we all are.

My mom is running around, excited about everything happening, excited for Chelsea, Clay, and them "starting their new family." It's kind of cute, but annoying at the same time.

My phone rings for the hundredth time, and I just shut it off and throw it on the nearest table. I can't deal with that right now, I need some clarification about how I feel about Ashley being here. I mean it's the first time I've talked to her in years. The last time we talked…

I looked down, not wanting anyone to see my face. Plus if anyone asked what was wrong, I know I'd cry and ruin my makeup. The truth is, I have no idea what's wrong. Something wrong with me. How did my life get to this point?

Finally my mom gives Chelsea a kiss, wishes the bridesmaids good luck, and rushes out the door to start the music. I wonder if I'll be freaking out like that when my kids get married. If I ever have kids.

First bridesmaid to go stand out there is Chelsea's younger. She's about 12, and she's a cutie. She thinks she's much older than she is. And we treat her as such, to make her feel good. Which is why she isn't a flower girl.

The next out is a girl that Chelsea met in art school, Carmen. She's nice, very pretty, but she's never really talked to me. I remember Chelsea once telling me she was gay. That's all I really know about her.

Carmen was getting ready to walk out, when I catch a glimpse of Ashley in the seats. She couldn't see me, of course. I see Carmen start to walk out, and I see Ashley's eyes following her.

Then I see her smile and wink.

Wait…she winked? Does she even know Carmen? She could be a serial killer for all she knows!

I watch as she watches Carmen walk up the the front, keeping and eye on her ass the whole way. Wow. She's here for what, a few hours and she's already trying to hook up with the bridesmaids?

Wait…I have to remind myself I don't know that person out there anymore. She's not the Ashley who was my best friend and…more…anymore.

She has probably hooked up with..plenty of girls since you guys were together.

I'm not entirely sure why I feel sick all of the sudden.

Next thing I know, it's almost my turn.

"Oh my god, Spencer, I'm freaking out." Chelsea starts pacing.

"Chelsea, Chelsea, look at me, okay? Look straight out there. What do you see?"

"Like a thousand people, Spencer!"

"No, no look again. Right in front of the alter. What do you see?"

"Oh…Clay." Her face spread into the biggest, goofiest smile I've ever seen.

"Just focus on him babe, okay? You'll be fantastic."

I give her a quick kiss, and before I know it it's my turn to walk down the isle. I walk out into the day, trying to keep my eyes forward. But all they want to do is turn to the left where Ashley is sitting. What's wrong with me? I've been perfectly fine these past 7 years. Well, I mean for the most part. I missed her, sure…who wouldn't miss their best friend? Yeah that's probably it. I'm just feeling…lonely. And hurt.

I think back to my phone on the table. Then I find my eyes shifting to the left as I'm walking. And I see her. I see her chocolate eyes looking into mine, before she sifts her gaze down to Aiden's jacket. She has barely looked at me since she got here.

I suppose I can't blame her. I sigh a bit, and keep walking, eyes returning to the front.


	11. Chapter 11

*************Ashley*************

A little girl walks out, almost too young to be a bridesmaid, but hey, who am I to say?

Following her, though is a really hot girl. I actually don't understand how I didn't notice her before. She has dark hair and dark eyes, and she looks right at me and smiles. I return it, and give her a wink for good measure. Hey, Paula can't see me from here. Right?

My thoughts and eyes are on this girl whiletwo more girls waltz out in a funny fashion.

When I finally look back to the door, I completely forget anyone else exists.

 ** _I hate that picture of me."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh please Spencer, yu look gorgeous!"_**

 ** _She rolls her eyes at me, and tries to snatch the picture, but I'm too quick, and under my shirt it goes._**

 ** _After a lengthy wrestling/tickling match, she finally gives in._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fine, take it, but if I see that up on some website, I will kill you, Davies."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ooh I'm scared. Hey, here's a picture of your parents when they got married."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah." Spencer looks down instantly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Spence?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Sorry, it's just hard to see that. You know my parents are…their going through a lot right now."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah, sweetie I know. I'm sorry." I put my hand on her knee for assurance._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm worried…"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't want to end up like that. When we…when I get married."_**

 ** _She looks down quickly, obviously trying to see if I heard her "we" slip up._**

 ** _"_** ** _Spencer." I take her chin in my hand, and point it to my face. "We will never end up like that, when we're married."_**

 ** _She smiles, then starts to tear up. I throw all the pictures on the ground and hold her. I swear to never let her go._**

And now she's standing here, at a wedding, and I'm watching her walk down the isle, and all I want is the be at the other end of it, waiting for her. And now, after realizing that, all I want to be is anywhere but here. Because she looks over at me…and my heart cringes. Because it can't have what it wants. And doubts it ever will.

I look down, before she can invade my mind further. Aides looks back at me, and gives me a look.

"What?" I shoot at him.

"Nothing." He turns back to watch Chelsea come out. There she is! She's so beautiful, and she's crying and staring at Clay, whose tearing up as well. In this moment, not one bit of regret for coming here is in my mind. All I can do is be happy for my friend, who has had her love returned. That's all any of us can ask for.

After the wedding part was over, after what seemed like forever of me trying to focus on Chelsea and Clay being happy, and not who was to Chelsea's immediate left, I try to duck out as soon as possible. Something tells me I won't get far, but at least for now I see, to have a clear window.

I head straight for the door, but see Spencer's boyfriend walking, well, running, up the walkway, and I take a sharp right turn, and run up the stairs. I hear voices getting louder, so I run to Spencer's room and shut the door.

My heart's racing. I haven't seen his smug little sissy boy face since she met him right before she dumped me. She told me she had to go on a date with him, for her mom. Bullshit. She just wanted his…well you know, and didn't want to admit it at the time.

I breath a sigh of relief for my quick escape…and now I'm realizing it wasn't as easy as I thought.

Because now I'm hearing Spencer and Patrick's loud voices coming directly for her room.

I'm so fucked. I run around, trying to find the most discreet place to hide, and I decide they'll probably have no use for the closet…I hope.

I close the door as quickly as I can, and almost 2 milliseconds later, I hear the door to the bedroom open.

Wheeeeeeew.

"Patrick what the FUCK are you doing here?! You're supposed to be in the Bahamas with your mommy."

"Spencer watch your mouth, you don't talk to me like that!"

"The hell I won't! If there's anyone in this whole house who needs to be yelled at this, it's you. I want you to leave, I don't want my mother to have more of a reason to hate than she already does. She hasn't been doing good Patrick, you fucking know that! And you pull this shit now?!"

Wait…Paula's not…what? She looked fine to me…

"You act like I'M the one with cancer, and you're that piece of shit husband who can't wait to start cheating the second things look grim!"

Cancer? Who has cancer?!

"Oh can you just listen to yourself? You sound ridiculous. All we did was kiss, I told you that ahundred times."

"No you told me that once, and you blushed heavily when you said it. Besides, you may just kissed but I know what I walked in on wasn't just going to end in 'kissing.'"

"You're ridiculous!"

"Oh my god, if say that to me ONE more time, I swear…"

I heard a loud smack and a cry.

Then I heard a cold voice say, "I told you not to talk to me like that."


	12. Chapter 12

I jumped out the closet so fast I almost tripped on an empty box and strangled myself of the dangling beads of the next door way.

Thankfully for me, his surprised keep him from moving.

My fist collided with his face with a loud popping noise, and I felt him crumble under the force.

I decided for Chelsea's sake I wasn't going to break his face anymore than I already had, not on her wedding day. The cops wouldn't make exciting guests.

I looked down at the bleeding, crying small man on the floor.

"You have NO idea how long I've been wanting to do that," I spat down to him, "thank you for being such a shit bag for so long that I finally got my chance."

I was fuming, and thinking about possibly kicking him, when I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder.

All the sudden Patrick shot his eyes to us, then narrowing his eyes at Spencer as best as he could, and said, "Wow Spencer, you're pathetic…"

But before he could fully get the word out, I kicked him. Hard. He yelled and ran out the door, us hearing gasps as he came down the stairs, and then the front door slamming.

I just realized I was wearing heels.

**********Spencer***********

After not hearing any investigating voices heading up stairs, I move my hand from her shoulder.

"Ash, your hand…"

"What? Oh…" She looked down, very surprised to see it bloodied up, not with his blood but with hers.

"Come on." I lead her to my old bathroom and turn on the water while she leans against the sink, studying her hand. I imagine it's not in interest, but in an excuse to forget who she's standing in the room with.

I grab a first aid from a cabinet, and walk back over to her, when she shoots her gaze at me, rather suddenly and asks, "Spencer why are you with that loser?"

I just…stare at her. Half in surprise, and half not knowing how to answer her question.

"You could have any guy you wanted," she goes on, "why did you settle for him?"

Her eyes go really wide, "has he hit you before?"

"I try to avoid confrontation. I know how to step around him so he doesn't get mad, it's worked really well the past couple of years."

"Spencer that's fucking horrible! Why are you with him?"

"I…um…well I guess it didn't really matter to me."

"What didn't matter to you?"

"Who he was, how he treated me."

"Why wouldn't that matter? Did anything matter to you?"

"Yes."

"Well what?"

"He was…a guy. And it made my life…easier. At the time."

I drop my gaze and took her hand, and start cleaning it in the sink. It's bleeding pretty heavily even after I clean it.

She has a strange look on her face, but so far she hasn't said anything else. And in my mind, I thank her for not pushing the conversation.

"I don't think this will need stitches. I'll just wrap it up, maybe my mom can look at it later…if you'd like."

All the sudden I realize she heard my entire conversation with Patrick, and I know she heard it too, because at the mention of my mom her eyes flicker up at me, then immidiately back down.

"Go ahead. You can ask."

"Is she sick?"

"Yes."

"With what?"

"It's colo-rectal cancer. Apparently it's pretty aggressive type, but they caught it early. She started chemo last week, and she's just been…she's been great, energetic, even though you can tell she's in pain."

She looks down. I know she doesn't do sickness or death, so I don't really expect much from her.

"I'm so sorry, Spencer."

I look up, surprised at her.

She looks at me and goes, "what?"

"Nothing." She looks down and watches me get out gauze and antibiotic ointment, and some wrapping.

I wash the returning blood off once more, than dry it and apply the ointment so she won't get infection. I place the gauze down, then start to wrap it, and tape the edge down when I've finished.

I take my time, not really wanting to let go of her hand. I'm gentle, perhaps too gentle. I only just realize she's been staring at me this whole time.

I look up into her eyes, and studied every corner of them. They were like swimming in a bed of chocolate. I could…feel…something…

All the sudden, she looked down and pulls her hand back from mine.

Not even a second later, my mom walks in the door of the bedroom, calling my name. It seems like every fiber in Ashley was wanting to run and hide, but she stayed, almost paralyized. I giggled a little, and called out to my mom that we were in here.


	13. Chapter 13

Paula walks through the beads and sees us not even a foot apart. She seems surprised, but not angry. Ashley is on edge, you can cut the air around her with a knife.

But then, my mom smiles when she sees Ashley bandaged hand.

"Well I guess that explains why everyone'e telling Patrick ran out of here in a bloody mess." She laughs and winks at Ashley.

What is…wait what's happening?

"Well I also came up to tell you that the wedding party is getting ready to take pictures Spencer. They're all waiting for you down stairs."

"Oh, well, um," I turn to Ashley again, "are you okay, do you want me to stay?"

"No, I'm fine, it's just my hand. Go, really." She gave me a convincing smile, and I left, realizing that was the first smile she's given me since she got here.

And also realizing I think I just left my mother and my ex girlfriend in the same room with each other.

I know my mom's being strangely nice, but I'm hoping more things won't need to be bandaged today.

**********Ashley***********

I play with my bandaged hand, remembering Spencer's soft touch as she wrapped it up. I can't get the feeling out of my mind. That, and the things she's saying over and over in my head. Did she actually admit that she didn't ever love him? That she was only with him because he was a guy?

I can't even focus too much on what Paula said when Spencer left the bathroom, although that is still bugging me at the back of my mind too. I just keep feeling those hands softly slide across mine. I think they actually got softer as time went on.

I'm watching a bunch of people dressed up, looking silly and uncomfortable in their fancy suites, but dancing as hard as they can anyway. I feel…restless. I can't just sit here and keep thinking, I need something to do. Keep me preoccupied.

Just as I'm thinking it, the cute brunette from the wedding party sits next to me on my slightly secluded bench outside the tent where the reception was being held. The tent is in the courtyard of a bed and breakfast, where I assume the bride and groom are staying until they leave for their honeymoon tomorrow night. I learned that bit of info form Chelsea's consistent talking during the toasts.

"Hey there." She gives me a look like she's trying to convey something with her eyes.

"Well hello. You not into gyrating you junk into one another like everyone else out there?"

"Hahah well no, group activities are really my thing. I'd prefer some place more quiet than this, actually, if you maybe had a place in mind."

"What's your name?"

"Carmen."

"Won't someone miss you if you're gone, Carmen?"

"Please, I'm surprised they remembered to call to tell me to come today."

"Hahah well, let's go get some quiet then."

My insides were a bit more hesitant than I ever have been, being invited to spend some alone time with a girl. But I needed to get my mind off Spencer. I didn't like the dangerous direction my thoughts were going.

"Carmen!"

There is an urgent, slightly irritated voice behind us right as we are heading off.

I turn around to see Spencer walking up to us with an unreadable expression.

"Chelsea says she needs something from all the bridesmaids. You included, we have to go right now to see her."

"Um…Spencer, can't it wait? We were going to take a small walk, get away from the noise."

"I'm sure it'll be nice and quiet wherever you were going," she says in the most sarcastic voice imaginable, "but Chelsea specifically said she needed you."

"Fine Spencer." Carmen walks off, and the cold coming off of her is causing the ice caps to freeze back up.

"Um…" I start to try and say something, anything to make the moment not awkward, but before it even can, she's grabbing my arm in a way that wasn't at all as soft as earlier, and was draggin me toward the parked cars by the side of the building.

"Spencer where are you going?"

"We need to leave."

"But Chelsea…"

"Chelsea will be fine," she says in a voice that let me know the conversation was not to be had here.


	14. Chapter 14

I follow her to her car, and let her guide me into it before closing my door and getting into her own seat.

We pull out of the parking lot, and we drive silently for a while. I'm incredibly uncomfortable at this point. I'm aware that I have no idea who this girl next to me is anymore, but I'm also aware that I want to get to know her. Even more so, I'm aware that I don't want to get closer to her than I already have.

I already know too much, and my mind hates it.

She finally speaks.

"What did my mom say to you earlier?"

"You're mom?"

"Yes Ashley, my mom. When I left the bathroom. You guys didn't come back down for an hour. What did she say to you?"

Her voice was quieter now. It was still irritated, but less so. Just a hint could be heard over the hum of the engine.

"She, um…she was talking about things had been. The past few years."

"She chatted with you about how she's been?"

"Yeah. And we talked a little bit about…her being sick. And what it meant. And I told her I was sorry."

"So you're saying that you talked about life the past few years and her being sick? Anything else?"

"Nope that about sums it up."

"Well she told me something different."

Damn it, Paula! She tells me not to tell Spencer what our chat was about, then tells her her own damn self. Make me look like a fool.

"Oh?"

I try to play cooler than I really am. My heart rate picks up.

"She told me you were telling her all about a visit you had with your family up north, and how fun it was, then you guys talked about her family trips she used to take. Sound familiar?"

That's the best she could come up with as a lie? Oh my god, Paula.

"Well…um yeah we talked about that too, actually."

"Right. And what family do you have up north exactly?"

"Spencer please! What's with the Spanish inquisition?"

"Because I know I'm being lied to!"

"Did you ever think maybe it was for your own good?!"

She's getting more angry by the second, and I have no idea what to say to make the madness stop.

"My own good? It was so good for me than it wouldn't be hurting me!"

"Spencer! No one is trying to hurt you!"

"You are! You walking off with some girl you just met today!"

Oh…I knew it wasn't about me and Paula's talk. I didn't ever think that'd be what was making her angry though…

"Spencer…I wasn't…trying to hurt you…um…" God, what do I say right now? "I'm confused though…"

She left out a big sigh and dropped her shoulders. "Please just…forget about it. Forget I said anything. We'll go back, I'm sorry if I ruined your evening."

"Keep going straight."

"What? Why?"

"Oh my God you ask so many questions tonight. Just go straight."

I direct her until we get back to my hotel. I am not excited AT ALL at the prospect of her being in my hotel room with me alone, but form her out burst in the car, I feel like she has more she needs to say. And the sick masochistic part of my brain wants to hear it.

I need to hear it.

She lets out a whistle. "Wow. This is quite a hotel."

"Yeah well Kyla turns her nose down to anything under 5 stars exactly. She absolutely freaks out on tours, living in a bus. She's ridiculous," I say, as I get out of her car.

She laughs a bit, then goes quiet.

We walk silently up to the front door, and then get in the elevator in the front lobby.

When we get to my room, I take an extra couple of seconds pretending to find my room key, to avoid opening it for as long as I can. She's standing close to me. I can feel her breath gently blowing on my arm, and I get goosebumps.

I almost stop looking for a second, but then I quickly grab it out of my pocket and jam it in the door. I turn the handle and walk inside quickly, trying to avoid her getting so close.

In the spirit of trying to keep form being close to her, I then grab an armchair that only had room for one, forcing her to sit on the couch by herself.

"Well, um…I have a mini bar. Some ridiculously expensive peanuts than miraculously taste exactly like normal peanuts, if you're interested."

"No, um, thank you but no." She looks down at her feet. "Look Ashley, I'm sorry about earlier, I was just…I was freaking out I guess. Maybe I was being protective, I don't know."

"Is Carmen a bad person?"

"No, she's a great girl, she really is, I just…I don't know." She laughs uncomfortably, never looking up form her shoes.

"Is there, um…is there something that you maybe want to talk about?"

"Um…well like what?"

She's avoiding. Seven years go by and she's still doing the same thing. When she doesn't want to talk about something, she beats around the bush until you have to finally shake it out of her. Me, in no position to still be able to do that, just have to keep pressing until she cracks.

"Okay, well, let's start with what you said in the bathroom."

"I said a lot of things in the bathroom, Ash." She's still not looking up, but I flinch at her using my nickname. I'm still not used to it coming out of her mouth…it sounds too…perfect.

"Spencerrrrrrr." I draw out her name, with a slight air of playful annoyance laced in it. I hoped I didn't let my nervousness sneak in my voice too.

"You said…you said you were with Patrick because he was a guy. But we didn't talk about it anymore. And I…I want to talk about it."

"What difference would it make, Ashley?" Back to her irritated voice now. She finally looks up. "Really. You and I can't just forget what's happened in the past and be friends again. I can see it in your eyes. You're guarded. Hell, I'm guarded. I'm too used to trying to hate you, that I can't even begin to think of what it'd be like to try and like you again. As a friend."

She adds that last part in a little too quickly.

"Well, do you hate me right now?"

She looks into my eyes. "No. I suppose I don't."

"Spencer, I can't pretend I trust you. I can't even pretend that I'm not still mad at you. But I also can't pretend that I don't want you in my life."

Did I just say that? TO SPENCER?

She looks surprised, but carries on anyway. "It scares me. I have…these worries."

"Well, I have a whole Dickens novel full of worries about being in the same town as you, but here we are. We're alone. I never once thought I would ever let that happen. I should hate you more. But I don't."

"Why not?" Her voice turned small, and she dropped her gaze again. "You should hate me after what I did. After all the things that I did. I'm so sorry, Ashley. I really am."

"It's…Spencer? It's okay. You had to do what you thought was right."

She went quiet for a little while.

Her sitting there, in front of me, no eyes to catch me watching her, I finally get a good look at her. She's wearing a very beautiful blue bridesmaid dress, with a slight shimmer, that matches the shimmer of her long blonde hair. It's down, in slight waves. It looks so soft.

I move down to her bare shoulders, perfectly tanned, completely spotless and smooth. My heart starts racing but I can't stop myself from taking her in. I run my eyes down her curves, run my eyes down her perfectly shaped legs, they looked like they were chiseled by Da Vinci himself.

While I'm letting myself look, she lifts her head up again, and stares at me. As if she knows. as if she could possibly know.

I hope she doesn't know.

"Ash, I don't if anything I did back then was right. Especially what I did that night."

My heart dropped like a rock from the empire state building, but before I can squeak a reply with all the questions her sentence raises, her phone starts to ring.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hello?"

"Hey sweetie."

It's her mom, her phone is like a megaphone, she needs to turn that shit down.

"Hey, what's up?"

"We just got back home, everything alright? You disappeared there for a little while."

"Yeah, actually, Ashley wasn't feeling well so I took her back to her hotel room."

"Oh, okay sweetie, well, I need to tell you something."

"What?"

"Patrick has been sitting on the front porch since we got home, waiting for you. I don't know if you have a place to go tonight, but I wouldn't come home. Maybe you can stay with Ashley!"

She turns away from me quickly, I assume hoping I didn't hear what her mom said.

"I don't know mom, I doubt it. I'll figure something out. Okay, love you too. Bye."

No quicker than she hangs up, I hop up to go to the closet int eh middle of the room.

"Uh, whatcha doing, Ash?"

"I'm getting a bed ready for me on the couch. You're staying here, you can take the bed."

"Ashley no, I don't want to…make you uncomfortable or anything, especially with you sleeping on the couch, please."

"Spencer, I don't even want to talk about it anymore, you're staying here, end of discussion."

I throw the blankets down on the other side of the couch as her, when we hear a knock on the door.

I walk over to it, and see Kyla's bright and shiny face in the other side.

"Hey, Spencer's mom gave me these before I left to give to you. Spencer's clothes, or something?"

Spencer shows up behind me, looking at Kyla with as much confusion on her face as I had on mine. Kyla's eyes went wide, putting two and two together.

"Kyla, how would Paula know to give these to you, she only told Spencer to not come home about two minutes ago. Plus, she didn't even know for sure she was staying here?"

"I…um…" She's looking back and forth between Spencer and me without saying so much as she is blabbering.

"Okay, thank you Kyla." I grab the bag and shut the door in her face.

"Um…strange, right?" Spencer says while slowly taking the bag from me.

"You got that right."

"Well, um… I'd like to shower all of this day off of me, if that's okay with you. Maybe we can barely talk again tomorrow morning."

She rolls her eyes, "yeah go take your shower. Leave it unlocked, though, I need to brush my teeth before I go to bed."

"Okay."

Well, it was okay. Until I walk into the bathroom and get undressed and into the shower, without realizing the the shower was pretty see through. Now I'm pretty far into it, can't really lock it now. So I turn up the heat knob, and trying to really fog it up.

Okay, now time for a peaceful shower.

Hopefully.


	16. Chapter 16

***Okay this could possibly be the last one I upload tonight, but of course I could possibly be lying. Tell me what you think! And if you want to read more! I'll keep working as fast as I can!***

*************Spencer*************

I get dressed into the shorts and tee my mom packed for pajamas, and then try and find my toothbrush and toothpaste, before finding them in a front pocket.

I hate those front pockets.

Ashley's been in the shower for about 10 minutes now, but I'm pretty tired from…all the emotions. I really have to get those in check, because I feel like me and Ashley really could have a friendship going. I mean she seemed pretty sure, right?

I'm trying to not let my doubt over power me, so I go to the bathroom a little too hesitantly.

Why so hesitant you ask? Well, I haven't been in the same room as Ashley while she was naked in a long time. And I don't want to get…weird about it. She'll completely rethink being friends with me.

She'd probably get angry with me.

All those things I said back then…there's no way she'd push it out of her mind. If I recall, since I've gotten here, the only thing she's said about her feelings is that we need to be friends. So, that should tell me that I need to be careful, not lead her in the wrong direction, make her think I'm trying to get…back into her life. In the way we used to be.

I stand outside the door, take a deep breath, and walk in.

I think the shower's so loud that she doesn't hear the door open, then again I think it was the quietest door I've ever heard too.

Whether or not she knows I'm there, I can't help but notice her.

She's turned away from me, the glass just had fogged enough for me not to see lower than her back, but her back is all I need to see.

I watch her back flex up and down as she washes her hair, I go warm as I watch the muscles moving flawlessly, watching the water flowing effortlessly down her, watching her long dark hair flow over her shoulder blades as the soap now is completely washed out, and I lose track of time. I must have been standing there for hours. Of course I know that's illogical, but I could stay here for hours.

She starts to turn around, and I look down quickly. I know if I reacted that way to her back, I could only imagine how I'd react to her front. And not to mention, she's now looking at me. I can feel her eyes digging into the side of my head, and I pretend to be getting my toothbrush ready.

Not long after I finish brushing my teeth, does she turn off the water. I hurry to get out of the bathroom as soon as possible, not wanting to make a fool out of myself more than I already had.

I open the door and shut it quickly.

What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm the one who needs a shower right now.

A cold one.

I hear her come out, and I lay in bed, pretending to be asleep.

I hear her go into the living room, turn out the light, and lay down herself. The living room is in another part of this huge hotel room. The bedroom has…well it's own room.

So I assume she thinks I can't hear into the living room when I hear someone knocking on the door and she lets them in. I hear light footsteps, and a man's voice.

It sounds familiar…

"I just want to see her!" I heard the man whisper.

"Aiden, stop! She's barely asleep, you go in there and you'll wake her up, you big clumsy lump."

Ahhh…Aiden. I forgot he was at the wedding. But what is he doing here so late?

"Oh Ashley, are you worried she'll know you were spying on her with me?"

"Fine, go in there. Just don't get too embarrassed when you wake her up and she gives you a weird look."

"Wow. It really is her. Asleep in your hotel room bed."

"It's not like that, Aiden."

"Oh really? Than what IS it like? Cause where I'm standing, it looks like you've just won that lottery. I've never seen such a happy look in your eye. You had to have gotten laid."

"Aiden will you just shut the fuck up? Look, she's here to be my friend. She probably feels guilty for being an ass when we were younger, and want's to atone for it. She probably doesn't even truly want to be here. Why would she? She's straight, and the only thing she ever needed me around for was sex. So no, this is why there's a blanket on the couch, and the girl who broke my heart in my bed. We're not together. She never wanted to be."

Ouch.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes I'm sure, why would you even ask that?"

"Because I saw her when you were sneaking off with what's her face. She looked like she was about to cry. And puke. You hadn't gotten 10 feet when she practically jumped out of her chair and bolted toward you. It was quite frightening."

"She…probably…she said she was protective, or something."

"Right. And if I really didn't have feelings for someone, I'd let them go fuck whoever they wanted without giving a shit. I can read that girl like a book, Ash, always have been able to. It was on her face."

Oh my God. I've turned into one of those crazy girls now, haven't I?

"Like when she broke up with you, I knew everything she was saying was bullshit. That girl is as straight as a piece of driftwood. If you didn't know, driftwood isn't straight."

"Aiden please, stop." Ashley's voice went small.

"She probably still wants you! I mean she's in there, laying in your bed, and if you don't do anything about it, you're a damn fool, Davies. And you aren't the girl I thought you were."

Ashley doesn't say anything. She's probably over me and just wants him to stop making her feel obligated to me or something. She probably still hates me more than she lets on.

She's too nice.

Their conversation continues for a little while longer, but at the door, where I can't hear them.

I try to fall asleep after I hear the door shut, but my mind is reeling. I feel like I should leave, like there's no way she really wants me here.

How could she want me here?

I decide to wait until she falls asleep before I sneak out.


	17. Chapter 17

*********Ashley**********

I have my eyes closed. I've been laying here for a good hour trying my best to be still, to be as quiet as I can. It's so difficult.

Today has been the hardest day I've had since the night Spencer broke up with me. I haven't had so much torment over one person ever, in my whole life. I've tried to fall in love since she dumped me, believe me, I have.

No one else makes my heart ache with want. No one makes my head spin and my decisions flawed, my mind, completely consumed with thoughts of her touch, smell, love.

But she took that away. And I still felt all those things, just with a torturous feeling attached to it. Knowing I will never have those things again…I just started being able to sleep at night, before the wedding invitation arrived in the mail.

I haven't been able to keep my mind still since. And tonight, I doubt I'll ever be able to get through it peacefully.

I know I told her I wanted her in my life. I know I said all those things, I know when she's around I forget the past…I forget who she was that night and see who she is today. Which is the girl I fell in love with.

But I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can pretend I don't want to be around her all the time. I was happy she grabbed my hand and led be away from Carmen. I'm glad I spent the rest of the night with her instead. I want to be with her every night.

And that's why I think I can't have her in my life.

I'm getting my opportunity quicker than I thought I would. She's legitimately trying to sneak past me right now. Does she think she's quiet? Her breathing is louder than a bear's.

I could let her leave…I wouldn't have to see her again. After all, I'm leaving tomorrow night. She might want that anyway, I'm the one who fought for our friendship.

But…Oh God, Ashley, fine.

"Spencer."

I don't even have to open my eyes to hear her jump forty feet into the air. She turns on the light.

"Oh, um…"

"I know, I know, you were sneaking out. Poorly, might I add. Do you wish me to let you go?"

I sit up, looking at her.

"Because…if you wanted to stay, I want you to know that I want you to stay, too. But if you want to go, I'm not going to stop you."

She doesn't say so much, as she does give me a smile, drop her backpack, and walk back toward the room.

"Hey Spence?"

"Yeah?" She turns expectantly.

"The light?"

She laughs and flicks it off, and I don't see her for the rest of the night.

I wake up, not knowing exactly when it was I fell asleep. I assume after she went back to bed, I felt more peaceful.

I stand, and head for the bathroom. On my way back from getting ready for the day, I get a glimpse of the bedroom. I go to the doorway, and sigh.

She's not there. The bed's made, and I don't see her backpack.

Well, I guess I was the only one who felt more at peace by our conversation last night. I guess that tells me she really didn't want to stay.

I turn and walk toward the door after grabbing my keys and phone, and almost die tripping over something big and black.

Her…backpack? Where she left it last night?

All the sudden, the door opens, and she busts through, with a box of bagels and coffees all stacked in one hand.

"Oh, good you're awake, I'm just about ready to drop everything, please help!"

I laugh from her troubles, and my own relief.

I grab the box and coffees and set them on the counter.

"I thought… well you were gone when I woke up."

"Well I didn't leave, did I? I mean, I did, but because there's everything except coffee in this place, and I know how bitchy you get when you don't have coffee. I wished to have a pleasant day with you, not one where I'm constantly scared."

She laughed at her own joke, and started opening the box of bagels and shoving a coffee in my hand at the same time.

I roll my eyes, but I definitely heard the part about spending the day with me.

I get excited, then realize.

I'm in such deep shit.


	18. Chapter 18

********Ashley**********

When we got into her car, the chill we had this morning sort of…died.

We aren't angry with each other, we're just, not playful or talkative anymore.

A mood set over us as we tried to decide what to do with our remaining time. We were trying to get acquainted with each other, trying to feel each other out again. But I'm still tentative toward her, and I know she can feel it.

Sometimes when yo hurt someone so bad, it's hard to get over the rut you get stuck in to move on. And this is the first day we're trying that in seven years of avoiding each other.

Now we're sitting next to each other, and trying to find a groove again.

For the sake of being friends.

"Hey, I know!" I got really excited when I finally got a plan in my head. "Show me where you work!"

She gets a little uneasy, but agrees anyway.

"Okay, but will you do me a favor when we get there?"

"No promises, but tell me and I'll try."

"Just…if a girl named Jonica is there, will you just, try to not listen to anything she says?"

"Um….yeah, I'll just be rude, Spencer." I laugh at her eye roll. "What are you worried about?"

"You don't have to be rude, talk to her, carry on a conversation, but if she starts saying weird things just nod and…try not to listen."

She's being weird. I decide to tell her that.

"You're being weird, Spencer."

"You can call me Spence, you know, " she says to me in a smaller voice than she has used all morning.

"Yeah…"

She keeps her eyes trained on the road, but I know it's because she's trying to avoid the hurt of me not jumping at the opportunity.

We're in my room, me and this girl. Her name is Spencer. I just met her a couple of months ago (in a not so friendly way) and decided to take her around, showing her the sights to make up for my poor behavior. And we've hung out everyday after school since.

She got so excited about everything when I showed her around La La Land, I swear, but what was more surprising is how I didn't hate her guts for it. Maybe it was a sign we were meant to be friends?

I'm all about signs these days. Regardless, we've been best friends ever since.

"Whoa Ashley, you're CD collection is so cool! How did I never notice this before?"

"You were just stunned by my magnificent beauty to notice anything else."

She throws a couch pillow at me, but I see her eyes linger on the skin on my stomach I have exposed while I lay on the bed watching her plunder my bedroom.

She thinks I didn't catch her, and she looks down a little too quickly for good measure.

This girl is weird.

"So…" I start picking at the blanket, absentmindedly, "anybody catch your eye at school yet?"

"Ashley, it's only been two weeks!"

"In high school mating rituals, that's a whole lifetime." She giggles and continues to stare at a Cocteau Twins CD.

"Besides, so far, the only person I've even wanted to be around in this whole city is you. BUT," She stares at me intently, "don't let that go straight to you pretty head, or I won't be able to be seen with you. I won't be able to fit you through doorways." She laughs at her own joke, and puts the CD in the sound system next to her.

"Well it's too late for that, my ego is bigger than any doorway. I guess you'll just have to stay here with me, since I can't leave the room."

She comes and lays down next to me, on her back, staring at the ceiling. She closes her eyes, then opens them and looks at me.

"Of course I'd stay with you, Ash. Idiot." She smacks me with a small pillow she found next to her.

I laugh, but after she calms down, I realize how close we are to one another. I can feel her breath on my face.

"Ash," I said while I keep staring at her. "I like it when you call me that."

"Doesn't everyone?"

"Yeah, but you're not everyone."

She looks away for a minute, and I think I may have crossed a line, finally, after all this time of trying to be good. She's straight after all, I mean, I think. I haven't actually heard her talk about anyone else.

But before I can over analyze anymore than I already had, she turns back and says, "I like it when you call me Spence…even though everyone calls me that too."

I feel my body relax when she says that, but then try to play it off since I made it obvious.

"Well, I guess we have nicknames now. They were incredibly hard to pick out, whew. We might need a nap form the exhaustion of our brains."

I didn't freak her out. Yet.

From then on, we don't call each other anything else.

I let my voice drop so she can just hear it above the hum of the car. "It's not that I don't want to call you that…it's just that…it doesn't feel right. Not yet, anyway." She just nods and keeps driving.

"Look, Spencer," I get my business voice out of the place I'd been hiding it, and put it on. "I tell you what. We will spend the rest of today, every second of the time we have have left together, trying to mend our friendship. I promise by the time I leave today, I will be calling you by your nickname consistently, you're going to get so tried of hearing it."

She smiled sadly, but nodded.

"What is it?"

"It's just…what if we can't? What if it can't be mended, no matter how much time we have?"

I give myself some time to think before I speak, trying to find the right words, but they don't come to me. Instead, I put my hand on her arm. Not too hard, not too soft. Enough for me to hope she understands me.

But the second my hand touches her skin, it turns into electricity. It shoots through me and steals the breath from my chest, and I pull my hand away too quickly.

So much for reassuring her, I'm sure I just scared her more.

Of course, can I really make her feel better when I have the exact same doubts?

We arrive at the record shop Spencer runs, and she slowly pulls into a parking spot with her name on it.

"Hey, fancy!"

"Oh shush. I'm sure your parking spot at McJagger's house is a little more impressive."

"Spencer who gives a fuck about McJagger, this is such a cool place. It's right on the beach, even!"

She laughs at my excitement, then gets out of the car.

All signs of laughter fade form her face, as worry fills it instead.

I try to figure out what could possibly be worrying her…is it still her worried about people thinking she's gay? Does she think her mom will storm in and yank my hair out again?

Of course, after my conversation with her mom, I know that would never happen again, not now. Yes, yes, one day I will tell you when she said to me, it's just not the right time. Okay?

We walk into the door that was covered in posters of local rock concerts going on around the area, and hear a jingle sound in the back room. A girl comes out of a doorway behind the counter with short hair, tee shirt, and suspenders attaching her skinny jeans to her shoulders.

I doubt they were for actually keeping her pants up.

"Hey Spen…" Her eyes go HUGE.

"Oh my FUCKING GOD, you're Ashley Davies!" She literally could have just peed her pants, she lost so my control.

"Hi, you must be…Jonica?"

"Oh my god you know my name…well, of course you know my name, you're with Spencer, duh!" She laughs so hard she snorts.

Wow, weird first impression.

"Jon, how's the store doing today?" Spencer seems to be giving her a very hard look, but Jonica seems to be completely overlooking it.

"So Spencer's talked about me, huh?" I grin slyly, while flipping through some vinyls and laying out some great ones to take home.

"Oh yeah, me and Spencer we talked a lot about you one night when we went out."

I feel a cold chill run down my spine, and I look over at Spencer, whose face is in her hand.

"And by went out, you mean…"

"On a date. I mean it wasn't so much of a date as it was the after party if you know what I mean, hahahah." She really laughed at her own lame ass joke? About sex? About sex with Spencer? The girl who was gay one night and straight then next, and then gay again when it was convienient?

I just give her a sarcastic smile, and hand her the albums I want to buy, so I can get away from this girl as soon as possible. I don't think I've wanted to hit someone (other than Patrick) this much since the debacle with Paula.

She's just smiling and talking a mile a minute while taking FOREVER to bag up the vinyls, all while Spencer is just sitting over in the corner next to the door, shuffling her shoes with her hands in her pockets.

I grab the bag and thank her mid-story, and she acts like she has no clue that no one else in the room is not as happy as her.

As she's yelling her goodbyes, I storm out of the store, and throw my vinyls into the passenger seat. But I don't get in. Instead, I walk out to the beach. It's the same beach Spencer told me she liked girls at. Same beach we spent all day in the sun, just enjoying each other's company, and falling even more in love, even thought we didn't know it at the time.

This beach holds all those memories. And it's making what I'm feeling now even worse.

I get about half a mile, aware of Spencer following me the whole time. I'm just not ready to face her yet.

I find it, the place under the pier where we sat and talked. Seemed like the best place to have at this now. It started here.

Maybe it needed to end here.

I start to pace back and forth, as she nears me, clearly worried about how I'm currently reacting. I'm sure this is why she was so hesitant to come here to her work.

Why she was saying all that shit about not listening to Jonica.

"You knew that'd hurt me. And you still brought me here."

"Ashley I'm so sorry I did that…She wasn't…it kind of just happened, and I…"

"Spencer you can fuck whoever you want, you can fall in love with whoever you want, just don't lie to me!"

"It wasn't like that, okay? I was feeling horribly confused, it was a year or two ago and I had a few beers and she was just…a lot less spastic than normal, and next thing you know we were making out. We started having sex, yes, but then I had to stop."

"I don't care that you stopped, I don't care that you had sex, I care that you told me you weren't gay, and then told another girl something different! You lied to me, and you lied to yourself, and I can't keep going through this!"

"Please, Ash you have to know what I'm going to say! The reason she said I talked about you is because I stopped mid way through sex to talk about YOU! I couldn't get you out of my head!"

"Well I'm sure you were feeling pretty guilty, sticking your lying tongue down Jonica's throat while I'm at home thinking about how I fell in love with a straight girl and about how much it fucking HURTS!"

"Ashley I just…I was confused!"

"Which time, Spencer? When you told me you were straight? Or when you had sex with Jonica? Or maybe when you told me you loved me?"

"Ashley I did love you!"

"Do you know how much you broke me Spencer? Do you have any idea what it's like to not be able to sleep for years, having to medicate just to keep myself from crying all night? To keep the crushing feeling from my chest? To keep any and all thoughts of you out of my head? And to sit there and laugh as therapist after therapist tells me I have to move on, forget about you, when that seems to be the LAST thing on the planet I can ever achieve! I can't stop loving you Spencer, and I fucking HATE you for that!"

She looks down and says, "I didn't know, Ashley…at the time, I didn't know."

I stop pacing and look at her. I'm breathing hard form all the yelling, and my heart is pounding in my ears, but I feel regret, looking at her. Regret for making her feel small like this.

I want to hold her.

Instead, I say, "You didn't know…what, Spencer?"

"I didn't know that no matter how many conversion therapists my mom sat in front of me…that it wouldn't be that simple. I couldn't just…turn. My mom would never be able to be proud of her nice heterosexual daughter. I didn't know that for years I would cry myself to sleep too. Because I couldn't stand the idea of you not being with me."

I just stared at her. She's still looking at the ground.

She continues talking.

"I hated waking up next to him every night. I hated waking up next to Jonica that morning. I hated brushing my teeth, seeing my family, anything and everything made me ache."

She keeps her head down, but doesn't stop talking. I think she's finally letting things spill out that were bottled up. And no matter what I thought, I loved her enough to let her get these things out.

"You know, I tried calling you, once." She lifted her eyes for just a second.

"You…you did?"

"Yeah. You're phone had been disconnected or something, so was Kyla's. Aiden didn't have a phone when he left, and Sean and I weren't that close. But I tried."

"When was it?"

"About a week after you left."

I felt a twinge of pain in my chest…she tried to call me? Only a week later?

"I…me and Kyla changed our numbers. We both lost out phones on the trip to Austin so we just got new ones with Austin area codes… I didn't think… I didn't think you'd ever try to call me again. You seemed so…final."

"Well, my mom's side of the family can come out at the best of times."

I walk over to her where she's leaning on a wall, and I lean on the wall next to her and sigh.

"I'm sorry for yelling. I didn't know…any of that. I mean, don't get me wrong Spencer, it doesn't absolve you from the hurt you caused…but it helps. It helps me realize that I really didn't have anything to do with you leaving."

"What, you thought I didn't want you, truly? You thought you had done something wrong and what, turned me straight?"

We both laughed at that, despite ourselves.

"That could never happen, Ashley. You were my first, and as I'm finding out…you were my only. Nothing you could have done could have made me feel any less about you."

She goes quiet, and I close my eyes.

Suddenly, I look over and Spencer has her head in her hands, and her shoulders are shaking quietly.

She's sobbing.

This time I really can't stop myself. I have to hold her.

At this point I figure, I'm already so far in over my fucking head, I don't think I could possibly make this worse.

I put my hands around her back, and pull her from the wall into my arms. She's warm, and I can feel her tears starting to fall gently onto the front of my shirt. I can feel her breathing through her back, her labored breaths going in and out. I can feel the muscle she's built up, I assume from surfing, as shown by the wetsuit in her car. I wondered when she'd taken that up.

I can't stop thinking about how her back feels, how her breath feels on my neck, and I feel bad for it. Not only because she's crying and I shouldn't be think about these things, which I shouldn't…but because I know I'm digging myself in an even deeper hole.

When I have to let go of her, it's going to kill me.

Knowing that she can't be mine…kills me.

"Hey, um, can we not going anywhere else where people know you today?"

She laughs into my shoulder and lifts up her face to mine.

"You still want to hang out with me, after all that?"

"Well, what can I say. I can't exactly get rid of you, Spencer. You have some sick hold on me." I smile, but my voice is serious.

"But, to be honest, even though this is the worst emotional day I've had in years…it's also the happiest I've felt in a long time. I want to still try and be your friend."

She smiles sadly, but it brightens up a little bit when I let go and offer her my hand.

We walk back to the car together a little lighter, a little happier.


	19. Chapter 19

Okay so Chapter 18 was seriously wiggin'. I had to just put the last three chapters all into one to get it to stop, SOOOO now I think it's fixed! Sorry about the weird bug, but thanks for informing me! (:

Also that means Chapter 18 is seriously loooong. Hahahaha

Now get back to that reading!

More chapters to come soon, I promise!(:


	20. Chapter 20

You guys are so sweet! Thanks for the nice reviews, it just makes my little heart happy (:

Here comes the next couple of chapters! I'm really trying to post something everyday, at least one if I can help it(:

Enjoy!

********Ashley**********

"Oh my god, I completely forgot about Patrick…"

"What about him? Spencer please tell me your done with him, please. You don't have to be gay, I just want you to not be with an asshole that thinks hitting women will make his penis bigger."

She giggles, but grabs her phone anyway.

"No, I mean, my mom said he was outside her house last night. Since we left the wedding last night, I've kind of…well, forgotten anyone else exists, to be honest."

I look over at her while she drives, and she just rolls her eyes.

"There you go again, strutting that ego around." She laughs and smacks me with her phone before putting it back up to her ear.

While she talks to her mom, I kind of realize since I've gotten to the WEDDING no one else but Spencer exists.

Not that I didn't try.

But I haven't talked to Kyla except at the door last night, and Aiden when he barged in.

I haven't even seen Ethan or Jake since we got out of the car. Where the hell have they gone?

"Okay, well did he say anything to you? Do you know where he might have gone?"

I can't hear Paula over the engine noise, so I decide to make a call myself, just to check in. Mostly out of boredom, I could ignore Kyla's phone calls for hours and never feel the slightest bit guilty.

Just when I pick up my phone, however, Kyla's face pops up and the phone starts to ring.

"Well, speak of the devil."

"Aw, you were talking about me?"

"Yeah, we were having a lengthy conversation about Satan, so of course you popped up."

"My sister, Robin Williams, everyone."

"Hey, as nice as an insult as that was, you know I'm still sore about that."

"Yes Ash, I know he was your hero. Stop pouting, I called for a reason. Where are you?"

"I'm out today. Just hanging out."

"Okay…with who?"

I could just hear her smirk from the other side of the phone. God why did my little sister have to be so much like me?

"Kyla you know who, now tell me what you want before I find use of the end button."

"Okay, well, we thought that we would like to stick around a few more days. Me and Aiden, at least. Ethan and Jake are flying home tonight, they have to get back to their cats."

Kyla really found her own joke hilarious. Now I'm wondering why my little sister isn't like me at all.

"So you and Aiden…want to stay. For how long?"

"Well…it depends."

"On what, Kyla?"

"On a few things we have to get in order, please keep your nose out of where it doesn't belong, and I'll let you know when I think your ready to know."

"Okay…weirdo."

"Love you too!"

I hear a click, and put the phone down on my lap, realizing Spencer's already off the phone.

"That was Kyla?"

"Yeah, turns out you're uh, stuck with me for a few more days."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I guess Kyla and Aiden are planning a bank job, she was being kind of weird."

"Well as much as I love Kyla, what else is new?"

We both smile a little at each other before she turns her attention back to the road.

"Well," she starts, as she's drumming her fingers on the steering wheel to no music, "I guess I'll have to take some vacation days off work…if you"ll have me?"

I want to answer her question with an, "Of course you can have me," or a, "take me right now," and I could've punched myself just for thinking it.

Instead, I go for a lighter approach. To keep myself from actually needing to punch my own face.

"I would love for you to skip out on work for time with me. More time for me to figure out what in the hell is going on with this car."

She whips her head around to stare at me incredously. "You don't like my car?"

"I fucking LOVE your car, which is why I'm so confused! The old Spencer would be terrified of a good old hot rod."

She throws her head back to laugh, and I see her eyes squint up. It's like time is going in slow motion. I'm here with her, in this car. I'm listening to the girl who I've thought about everyday for the past 10 years laugh right next to me, and I can't stop staring at her fingers drumming an invisible drumbeat in time to the beating I'm hearing in my ears.

This isn't right. This isn't what we should be doing.

Do I even want this?

Of course I do, that was a stupid question.

Don't blame me, I'm just the tiny voice in your head.

Well give me answers, not more things for me to contemplate.

She's…I mean, she told you she was straight. And you believed her. You mostly believed that she didn't want you for such a long time. But you still have been waiting for her for 10 years, Ashley. You and I both know it, so let's stop trying to hide it.

So you think that I should be fighting to get her back?

No…no I didn't say that. Personally, I think that would be suicide on my part. What kind of person runs into battle with a musket, knowing the other side has rocket launchers?

"So, how about some lunch?"

She interrupts my internal dialogue. Which I'm not sure I'm unhappy about.

"Yes…lunch sounds great."

"Do you like Thai food?"

I just smile.


	21. Chapter 21

The next few days were fantastic. Spencer spent the next few nights at her parents house, she couldn't exactly go home, and I didn't think it was a good idea for her to stay with me. Especially with Kyla and Aiden right next door.

We've had a good chance to get to know one another during the day though, going to the beach, eating together, talking together. Lot's of time to become friends again.

Almost.

Don't get me wrong, I've been enjoying the hell out of myself. It's just, 10 minutes into laughing and reminiscing, I can't stop myself from feeling that dread sink in. The same feeling I had when things started to get weird with us, with her back then.

The feeling I haven't been able to get rid of since she started to break me.

Every time I feel it creeping in I shake it off, because I know this can work. I can't tell you how hard she's trying, plus I haven't even seen Patrick since the wedding. That helps me think that Spencer's not going to be stupid and go back to him.

But I just…I'm having trouble.

 ** _"_** ** _I don't know, Kyla. I mean, her mom's just been keeping her from me since she found out, and it makes me worried of what their doing to her in that house. What if they ship her off or something?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ashley, you're forgetting that Arthur would never let Paula ship his daughter off. He's not a push over. Stop being worried, I bet she's fine."_**

 ** _She continues to watch VH1 and eat a bagel on my bedroom couch._**

 ** _"_** ** _Kyla can you just pretend like you're listening to me? For like a second?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ash I don't know what you want me to do. If you're worried, talk to Spencer on Monday at school."_**

 ** _"_** ** _What if Paula decides to home school her? What if.."_**

 ** _Kyla put her hand on my mouth._**

 ** _"_** ** _Okay. Let's drive over there and see if she'll talk to you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh please, the she-demon won't let me within two feet of the door."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I didn't say we'd use the door." She winks at me then gets up and grabs her keys. "You coming? Or am I going to have to have a conversation with your girlfriend alone?"_**

 ** _I jump off the couch and admire how much I've already rubbed off on her._**

 ** _We pull up to the street one down from Spencer's, and take the ladder out of the car. We sneak around the block and hope to god no one is going to call the cops on this conspicuous sight walking through the neighborhood._**

 ** _"_** ** _Okay Ash, find some rocks or something."_**

 ** _I reach down in Paula's front garden, and grab a handful. And kick a few flowers for good measure._**

 ** _I position myself below Spencer's window and start throwing a few, missing quite badly, but then getting the hang of it after a while._**

 ** _Soon, I see the curtains pull back and her face. The face I've been missing for four days now, finally there above me._**

 ** _Her window opens, and she looks down, confused._**

 ** _"_** ** _Spence!"_**

 ** _She smiles but doesn't say anything._**

 ** _"_** ** _Do you want to…well we brought a ladder, do you want to come down?" I whisper yell._**

 ** _"_** ** _Um…no, I don't really think it's a good time right now, Ashley. My mom's downstairs, and if she saw me, I don't think I'd ever be able to leave the house."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh…well, can I come up then?" I know I was being annoying but I haven't seen her in almost a full business week, shouldn't she be acting like this too?_**

 ** _"_** ** _No Ash, I'm sorry." She goes back into her window and closes it and shuts the curtain._**

 ** _I look over at Kyla whose staring at her shoes._**

 ** _"_** ** _Well…that was definitely weird. But don't worry Ash, she's probably fine, just stressed from having to life in the same house as that bitch. Come on, let's go home before we see blue and red lights."_**

 ** _I let her put her arm around me, and pull me back to the car, ladder in tow._**

 ** _I have this feeling creeping into my chest…like a strong pressing feeling. I can't get rid of it, like I've swallowed a bowling ball._**

 ** _I hope I'm wrong._**

"Kyla, it's me, please open the door."

"Hold on!"

I'm waiting out in the hallway at 10 PM for my sister to open her damn door. I tried to go back to my room and sleep after a full day with Spencer, I really did, but I need to talk."

"Kyla hurry!"

"Ash can you just go to Aiden's room? I'm a little busy in here!"

Great. She's probably got some guy in there. Gross. I guess that's what happens when I let my sister go free in LA by herself without watching her. She picks up bar trash.

"Fine."

I walk one room down to Aiden's room, hopeful to not be blown off again.

He of course opens the door right away.

"Ah, good to see YOU'RE not hooking up tonight."

I walk in and take a look around.

"Um…no?"

"I think that's what Angel Kyla is doing next door."

"Oh, hahahah." I look over at him, wondering what's so funny.

"You knew about this?"

"Oh Ashley just come inside and catch up with the friend you've been blowing off the past four days."

"I haven't been…blowing you off…"

"What would you call it then?"

"Tactfully avoiding."

"Right. So what did you need then, so you can go back to 'tactfully avoiding' me?"

I sigh, only slightly annoyed by his teasing.

"Can't sleep."

"Well it's early, when have you ever gone to bed this early?"

"Since I woke up with Spencer at 6 this morning to surf. Apparently it's the best time to go."

"Surfing? Since when do you do anything physically active?"

"Can we just skip to the 'I can't sleep' part?"

"Alright, um…have you tried counting sheep? Or is something bothering you?"

Something bothering me.

"No, I'm fine. Yes I've counted sheep."

"Is it Spencer?"

Yes.

"No Aiden, I just told you that."

"Sure you did. I just don't believe you."

I sigh.

"Fine. Yes, something's bothering me. I don't know what it is."

"I think I can tell you."

"Okay Socrates, hit me with it then."

"She broke your heart and you can't trust her anymore. No matter how nice she's being."

"It's not that she's just being nice, I really do believe her. And I know she means it when she says she sorry, or that she was just confused back then, but…"

"But it doesn't change the fact that she ripped out your heart and fed it to the wolves."

"Yeah…yeah I guess."

"Well I think you shouldn't forgive her. It's not like she's given you any reason to trust her. All she's done is apologized. If she really wants to be in your life like she says she does, she'll find a way to prove it. Until then, I think you should tread carefully."

"How am I supposed to do that? I mean…Aiden she's…you know how I felt about her…how I still feel about her. Am I just supposed to ignore those feelings?"

"No, you're not. But if she's the one for you, she'll fight for it. You've fought enough. Let ehr be the one who puts it all out there this time. That's what I think."

"I'm just…ugh Aiden I'm just still so fucking mad at her."

I can't keep it in anymore. I just break down crying. I let him hold me.

How do you forgive someone who fucked up so big? How do you just forget it?

And when did I turn into the type of person who just cries like this? I used to be made of steel, not chewed up bubble gum.

"Ash. Ashley, look at me, please. You have to talk to her about this. No more surface things, no more conversations that end with you feeling stupid, just you and her talking this all through. Tell her exactly how you feel."

"Fine. I'll try."

"Want to sleep here?"

"Yes." I wipe my eyes quickly and say, "but if you tell anyone I was crying I will tell everyone your favorite movie is that duck one with Anna Paquin."

"Fine, I promise I won't. But seriously, don't tell anyone about that okay?"

I laugh and lay down on his bed and fall into a dreamless sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

Hey guys I'm so sorry I haven't posted in like a day or two, I've been feeling kind of blah, but today I feel better and I'm hoping to write a shit load, so we'll see! (:

**********Spencer***********

"Spence?"

"Hey mom," I say sleepily.

"Honey can you help me around the house with somethings?"

"Yeah, give me a minute to get some clothes on, okay?"

"Okay sweetie."

It's been a week since the wedding. I've been staying with my parents…and for all intensive purposes, spending everyday with Ashley.

How has it been going? Well, I've been…dealing.

Every second I spend with Ashley is…confusing. She makes me so happy. I haven't felt this happy in such a long time.

But I have these conflicting feelings about all of this…I mean it's hard, to give our friendship another shot, being convinced that she won't actually want to be my friend…after a while. Maybe she'll change her mind.

I mean hell, I did, back then, so what's stopping her from getting her revenger?

I stand up and start pulling on some jeans and a baseball tee. I've been trying to help my mom out as much as I can before I leave the house each day.

So I prepare for another morning of house work. All the sudden, my phone starts to vibrate in my back pocket.

 _Ashley: Do you think we could meet a little later today? I thinking of spending some time with Aiden._

 _Yeah, of course! I'll just help my mom out for a while, just tell me when you're ready, okay?_

Before I can lock my screen, I get reply.

 _Ashley: Okay_

Well, I guess I'm hanging with Paula today.

I go downstairs to help her with the trash and dishes.

My dad's at work, Glen's at his own house, and Clay and Chels are still on their honeymoon. They Facetimed us yesterday to check in with everyone, let us know what they'd been up to and how things were going in Hawaii.

So cliche, Hawaii as a vacation destination. Personally, I'd take a trip just to experience nothing but Hawaiian culture, the people, the food.

Why am I talking about this? Oh yeah, because I finally have time this week to think. Overtime Ashley's around I forget to think about stuff…things I would usually worry about or just have pop into my head.

I walk into the kitchen and my mom's sitting at the island on a stool.

"Good morning, sleepy."

"Hey mom. What do you have planned today? Any doctor's visits?"

"Nope, today I was just thinking I'd rest a little bit. What about you? Are you heading off"

"Nope, I'm all yours. At least, for a while."

She laughs and takes a drink form her coffee mug that has the words, "World's Best Mom" on it from when me and Glen bought it for her from our allowance when I was five.

"How did that cup not break over all the years of moving?"

"Oh Spence, there's no telling. I've broken six pairs of eye glasses over the past twelve years, but this mug has held on for dear life. I guess all the love you guys you put into it made it want to stick around."

I smile at her while open the dishwasher and start putting the clean dishes away so I can load the dirty ones in.

"I guess so."

"Hey Spencer?"

"Yeah mom?"

"I'm sorry I haven't always…you know…lived up to the statement that's on my cup."

"Mom that's not true," I say while sitting down a bowl I was about to place on the top shelf.

"Spencer, I know you liked to think that I always knew best for you. I know I pressed it into your mind that I did for so many years, but…I've gotten a bit of perspective, these past few years. Patrick was never good for you, baby. The way I treated you like you were some kind of…leper, for just loving somebody…that doesn't earn me the right to say I've been the world's greatest mom."

She smiles a little, her eyes sad.

"Mom…the truth is…I was scared. Yes, it had a lot to do with you and how much your opinion meant to me, but…I was just scared back then. All those counselers telling me that I'd never have a normal life…I couldn't even see Ashley anymore. All I saw was the thing I was scared of. I just…I was the one who could have fixed it, and I didn't."

"Well," she's crying now, "I guess we'll just have to fix our mistakes, won't we?"

Great, now I'm crying. I'm supposed to be strong for her and now I'm just turning into a blubbering baby.

I walk over to her and hold her, not wanting to let go. Not ever.


	23. Chapter 23

"Oh dear God mom, how do you watch these soaps? Their ridiculous!"

We're sitting in the living room about three hours later.

"Spencer, this is my favorite show. If you can't watch respectfully then I will tell you how watching Degrassi isn't much better."

"Oh please." I look down and know she's a little bit right but not wanting to admit it. "The acting is better at least."

We both laugh and she throws a pillow at me from the other side of the couch.

 _Ding dong._

"Hello?"

Ashley never knew how to wait for someone to answer the door before opening it. I guess I always kind of adored that.

I laugh while getting up from the couch to go get her, and kiss my mom on the head before going.

"Hey Ash," I say while smiling toward her, but she wasn't smiling back. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just…hey can we go talk somewhere?"

"Yeah, let me grab my keys."

I walk back to the couch and grab my phone and keys off the table in front of the couch.

"Mom is it okay with you if I.."

"Go sweetie, it'll be quieter here with you gone so I can watch my soaps in peace."

I stick my tongue out at her and thank her, and walk back to the front door, to find it open and Ashley already waiting out by the car.

"Hey, you trying to get a hard start or what?"

"Oh sorry…"

"Ashley you don't have to be sorry. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just…let's go somewhere, okay?"

"Okay."

Slightly worried, I unlock the doors and slide in the drivers seat while she does the same on the opposite side.

After pulling out of the driveway, I look over at her. "Okay, where are we headed?"

"Um…anywhere…private maybe?"

"Yeah…um, okay, I know a place."

I decide to keep quiet until we get there, the look out spot we went to after the dance at King High, after Aiden got into a fight with Glen.

I haven't actually been there since that night, so it takes me a little while to find it.

After the millionth wrong turn, Ashley laughs.

"Okay, you're going to need to turn around, this is a dead end."

"Oh…yeah, I mean, sure I knew that." I get a bit flustered and start to turn around when she starts laughing harder.

"What is so funny exactly?" I stop the car on the side of the dirt road we're currently lost on and stare at her.

"I just have no idea where you are and we're stuck here and…and I don't know why I'm laughing so hard but…I…can't…stop…" she says between fits.

I giggle a little, still worried about her. She's acting so strange.

"You're weird, Davies."

She laughs a little harder before it starts to die down, and she looks over at me.

I smile an amused smile, and she returns a genuine one. The sun's already starting to set.

I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I can't look away from her beautiful face…her nose, the way it scrunches up when she smiles, her brown eyes, how they make me forget the simplest of things, like how to breath. And her lips…

"Ash…"

As if she's thinking the same things as me, she leans in, me following. We get close enough for me to feel her breath, like clockwork we both start breathing harder. I feel her bottom lip lightly graze mine, and a shiver flows through me as I feel her hands hold my face, I lay my right hand on her thigh…

And before I can figure out what's happening, she's gone. She closes the door behind her and runs off into the trees next to the road.

I get out quickly and try to follow her…what just happened? I mean she can't run out here by herself, she said herself she had no idea where we were…

"Ashley! Ashley please come back! Ash!"

I start running through the trees where I thought she went, but I don't see anything.

I start walking along a trail, and realize if I don't go back now I won't be able to find my car again...I might be able to find anyone again. I get scared for Ashley...God, why did she run out of the car like that?

Ashley, where did you go?

I run back to my car to grab my phone, and start calling her phone before my tells me I have no service out here. I jump into the seat and start up the engine, and spend the next four hours driving around the mountain side looking for any sign of a girl walking around the trees.

This can't be happening.


	24. Chapter 24

Okay I made up a music venue in this chapter because I don't want to get sued for using an actual name, but believe me, I had a couple real ones in mind! Anyways…if I accidentally named an actual one, let me know and I'll try again? Hahaha

Okay chapter…what is this, 24? Here we go! (:

********Ashley**********

"Aiden open the fucking door!"

"Hold on!"

The second he opens it I run inside, only to see my sister already in his hotel room.

"What's going on? Can I just bitch to my friend and not have my sister infiltrating my privacy?"

"Actually Ash…we wanted to talk to you real quick, both of us…but if you need to talk, I understand…"

"Ugh. Fine Kyla stay. Look I just almost kissed Spencer." I'm fuming and I don't know why.

"What?!" They both almost screamed in unison.

"Yeah, we were in her car, and we got lost so," I recant the story, while pacing madly, "I…we…we almost kissed!" I throw my hands up in the air with annoyance.

"Yeah we get it, but you were in her car and got lost and then what?" Kyla is on the edge of her seat, she looks like she's about to pass out as much as I am.

"Well…we pulled over because, well we were freaking lost, right?"

"Okay…"

"And then, I'm laughing even though I'm only there with her so that I can tell her that I can't do this, I can't be friends with her because it hurts, way too much, but then I'm just laughing because I can't help but be fucking happy when I'm with her and I was just delirious because no matter how hard I want to try, I can't stay away from her and I start losing it right?"

"Right Ashley, just tell us already!"

"So I'm laughing, then I look at her and she's looking RIGHT back at me, and I can't help it and her and I just…"

"WHAT?!"

"We got really close like we were going to kiss and I…I freaked out and I ran out of the car and I walked for an hour before I found a road I recognized, then walked another hour before I could get even service and call a cab."

"Spencer just let you run away into the forest by yourself?" Aiden's eyes go huge and anger sweeps his face.

"No she tried to chase me, and I hid from her and listened to her look for me forever before she went back to her car…and even then I was hiding from her for the next two hours because she was driving around trying to find me."

"Ashley!" Kyla looks upset now.

"What Kyla? Yes I felt bad but, god I just can't help myself when she's around and I don't trust her…I can't trust her."

"Ash…"

"No, just…let me feel like I made a right decision, Kyla. She hasn't proven to me at all that she's different. It more feels like time has been standing still, and just now resumed…but she's still the same Spencer that left me. Just let me have this for myself, okay?"

"Alright…"

I sit, finally able to calm down.

"Okay now, what did you guys want to talk to me about?"

"Well…" Kyla says, while her and Aiden look over at each other nervously.

"Will you two just spit it out, please? I kind of had a shit day already… if it's something bad, just…"

"We booked a concert this weekend for the band!"

"Okay…so?"

"Here in LA."

"Well I can't say I'm surprised, but why are we freaking out about it?"

"It's at the Cannonball Room."

They both smile while I just stare.

"No way."

The Cannonball Room is where I saw my favorite band live for the first time ever.

"Yes, and that's not the best part."

What could possibly be better?

"What…?"

"Paramore has agreed to play this show with us. Of course…we'd be opening for them, not the other way around…" Aiden was saying something but after "Paramore" I didn't hear anything else.

The band I saw there, my favorite band…Paramore…is agreeing to play a show WITH US?!

I start hyperventilating and also crying with happiness.

"Is this a fucking joke cause I'll beat the shit out of you, you know that right?"

"Believe me, we know. Why do you think we've wanted to stay here? And Ethan and Jake has to 'go back to their houses' because they're really picking up all of our equipment for the show."

"Oh my god….OH MY GOD KYLA!"

I grab both their faces and start kissing everything I can reach, until they both shove me away and exaggerate wiping the germs off.

For the moment, at least, I've forgotten my problems with Spencer.

Not that they aren't constantly at the back of my mind, since the first person I wanted to tell this news to was her.


	25. Chapter 25

Hey whoop whoop for Paramore, amiright? ;)

Seriously the greatest band to ever have been graced to us by God himself.

Thank you for your amazingly sweet comments, I promise I'm going to keep writing this until I finish, hopefully it'll only take me a few more days!(:

*********Kyla**********

I've done a lot for Ashley in the past few years to try and cheer her up, I even dragged her 1,000 miles to put her in front of her ex just for her to get closure. Or get her back, either way, I hoped she'd leave happy. Obviously that isn't working out like I planned.

But now I feel like this concert could possibly be a good start.

I've been planning this for longer than I thought I'd be, you have no idea how hard it is to contact all the right people, all the recording studios, agencies, people's aunts…

It's ridiculous.

But as much as I know this will help Ashley at least forget her worries and have a great memory to have for the rest of her life…

I'm also so worried it won't work at all.

I can just remember the night Spencer told Ashley…well when Spencer told Ashley she was straight. Come on, you know the story by now.

 ** _"_** ** _Ash? Hey can I borrow…Ashley what happened?"_**

 ** _I see my older sister laying on the ground, bawling, listening to her rock music on full blast._**

 ** _"_** ** _Spencer broke up with me."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh my God…Ash…what…what happened?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't want to fucking talk about it Kyla!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Okay…okay I'm sorry…"_**

 ** _I walked over and put her head in my lap, and brushed the hair out of her face and stayed with her until she fell asleep._**

The point is, I never want to see her like that again. So maybe this thing with Spencer…is best. I mean she's handling it like a child, but at least I don't have to pick her up off the ground this time.

I'm okay with that.

*******Aiden*******

"Ashley are you in there?"

She opens the door, with bloodshot eyes.

"Have you slept at all?"

"Of course, can't you see I'm exuding the product of tons of beauty sleep right this minute?"

She rolls her eyes and turns away from me, letting me in her hotel room.

It's the day after we told her, and the concerts in three days. And I know she has to get some sleep if she's going to be able to stay on her feet on stage.

"Hey I was, uh…wondering if you were willing to talk to me…a bit?" I say, a little uncomfortable.

"What's up with you? Yes you can talk."

"It's about Spencer."

"Oh." She instantly turns away and sits at her desk in her hotel room, looking at her computer screen.

"Spencer, she…I mean, I know what I said before, and I still believe it, she has too much to make up for. But I truly think it's not impossible for her to do just that. I think she at least deserves an explanation of why you're avoiding her. She's called us a hundred times looking for you, said your phone has been off or something…"

"I'm not avoiding her…I've made a conscious decision to cut her from my life."

"She doesn't know that. She at least gave you the curtesy of a talk when she broke your heart. I think you should do the same."

"So I should look her in the eyes and then just basically lie to her face? And leave it like that for 7 years and never look back?"

"She did look back Ash, she called you, remember? You told me she said she tried to call you two weeks after you left. She did try."

"Why are you all the sudden making excuses for her?"

"Because….I just…you're different. When you're with her. You're…you."

I look down, uncomfortable with the silence that's taken over the room.

"She's also come to the room a hundred times, I don't know if you knew that. She's worried about you Ash," I say as I stand up to leave, "just…talk to her. If you're going to kick her out of your life, let her know. If you want her IN your life…let her know. Either way, you can't just hide in here not sleeping."

"Fine, don't let the door hit you on your way out."

I laugh a little, knowing she heard and understands me. Otherwise she wouldn't bother with the wise crack.

Good ole Ashley.


	26. Chapter 26

**********Spencer***********

I've been staring at my bedroom wall for three days. I can't stop wondering what Ashley's doing…why she won't talk to me.

I'm going fucking crazy. If I don't do something soon I'm just…ugh going to crawl out of my skin.

"Spencer! Phone call!"

My phone's right next to me?

"Coming."

I walk down the stairs, completely confused, my eyes burning from staring so intently at the wall upstairs.

My mom's at the bottom of the stairs, holding a home phone.

I didn't even know they still had that thing.

She hands me the phone, an annoyed look in her eyes, and says, "I'm going to the store, text me if you want anything."

"Okay mom. Hello?"

I watch my mom leave the front door, purse and keys in hand.

"Spencer… it's me, it's Patrick."

I don't respond.

"Spencer?"

"What do you want?"

"Look, I want to talk to you about something really important. Can I please come see you?"

"No, you can't come see me. I want you to leave me alone now, okay?"

I hang up, and throw the phone and myself onto the couch, and turn on the tv.

20 minutes later, however, there's a knock on the door.

I stand up, walk over to the door, open it…

And there's Patrick. Great. I guess I didn't think about the fact that the home phone call was a give away to my location.

"Please, give me like, 5 minutes? If you don't like what I have to say, you can throw me out, okay?"

I sigh.

"Fine, come in."

He walks over the threshold, his purple cheek and eye…wow, and even nose visible now that he's inside.

Ashley really did a number on him.

"Okay, well…what I wanted to say was, I'm so sorry. The other day, I just had a really bad day at work and I took it out on you and I'm so sorry. It will never happen again, I would never hurt you Spencer. You know that right?"

I stare at him. I don't recall one time, even when we first met, where I loved this man standing in front of me.

How could I spend so much time with him?

How could I have been so fucking stupid?

He doesn't have her hair…her eyes…her scrunchy smile. Not one thing about him knows why I even opened the door for him.

He reaches over and hugs me.

For him, it's a hug of a 7 hundredth chance for him not to send me home with a red face, making my mother hate him.

For me…it's goodbye.

Just then, I realize the doors open, and Ashley's standing there with her eyes wide.

"What's she doing here?" Patrick asks sharply.

Ashley just stares at me, and me at her.

Then she turns and goes to leave, but I'm not letting her leave that easily this time.

"Ashley!"

I go to run after her, but Patrick grabs my arm.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing? She shouldn't be in your life, Spencer, you'll be a faggot, remember?"

I stop for a split second to just smile, before I turn around and punch him right in the face, in the same spot that was already shining from Ashley's fist.

For a guy who thinks he's tough shit for hitting women, he sure does drop like a sack of potatoes at the hands of one.

After watching him fall to the ground, I tell him to fuck off, and run out the door, but by the time I get out there, she's gone.

God damn it, Ashley!

My dad pulls up right then, giving me a chance to make sure Patrick won't bother me anymore.

"Spencer, hey, what's happening?"

"Dad, Patrick's in the house on the floor, crying no doubt. Please take care of him, I have to go find Ashley."

I jump in my car and start it up as quick as I can.

I speed my way to Ashley's hotel, not giving a shit about getting pulled over.

When I arrive, I run in, take the stairs two at a time, and when I finally get to her floor, I can't breath, but I keep running anyway.

I get to her door...number 133. I memorized it my first night here, the night of the wedding when she spent four years trying to find the key, when it was in her back pocket the whole time. She thinks I didn't notice she was stalling...but I did.

I know so much about her.

I smile to myself, happy that I finally know what I want...with no more questions in my mind.

If being with her meant I was a faggot, according to Patrick...

Then I would be. For her. Everyday for forever.

Excited with my new revelation, I slam my knuckles into her door, knocking as hard as I can, to make sure she hears me.

"Ashley, open the door! Ashley! Ash..."

"Spencer?"

Aiden just stepped out of his room, in nothing but basketball shorts.

"I need to talk to Ashley, she's got to answer the door, she thinks me and Patrick got back together or something, but she's wrong Aiden...I need to be with her. Aiden, please help me get in there so I can finally tell her I need to be with her."

"Spence she's not here right now."

I stop breathing for a second. I was in such a hurry when I got here I forgot to look for her car in the parking lot to make sure she was here.

"Oh..."

"Spencer, come in," he holds open his door for me, "I think it's time we talked."


	27. Chapter 27

*********Ashley**********

It's the night of the concert. I haven't seen Spencer in…since her house. She hasn't tried to call my phone, or text me.

Maybe she's too busy getting back into her heater relationship where she gets smacked around to noticed I'm not around anymore.

God I hate that I have go back to this.

It's exhausting pretending to hate her more than I do.

I haven't seen Aiden either, he wouldn't answer his door for me yesterday after I came back from driving around after seeing Spencer and Patrick.

I had to go to my sister's room and talk to her. Alone. With no buffer.

It was terrible.

And her advise was so cryptic, it's like, can you speak English?

Ugh, forget about it, I need to focus on the fact that in about 30 minutes I'm going to be doing sound check on the stage I saw Paramore at when I was in high school.

And I'll be standing in the presence of Hayley, Jeremy, and Taylor.

I wish I could enjoy this moment more than I currently am…it's hard to get my thoughts straight.

The band practiced the day before I went to Spencer's, we had a night practice at a place we rented out. It went really well, so I'm not really nervous about that.

I'm driving to the venue, by the way, with Kyla.

Apparently our stuff is already there, with everyone else as well.

I pull in the back entrance, but I already see a line forming, wrapping around the building.

Expectant teens and adults alike, waiting in the LA heat.

"That's crazy, Ashley! Look at all those people!"

"Yes Kyla, it's super duper, now calm down and give me my press pass so I can get in this gate please."

I show the security guard my pass and Kyla's, and he let's us in.

After parking, I see a trailer with our stuff in it, being unloaded. I decide to go and help, to keep my mind off of it.

Off of everything except Hayley, Jeremy, and Taylor.

"Hey Ash." Aiden's up on the platform, taking case after case out of the trailer and stacking them up inside.

"Where have you been?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I went to your room last night and you didn't answer your door!"

"Can't I be busy every once in a while?"

"With what, Playboy?"

I hear Ethan laughing from inside the trailer, as he comes out and gives me a hug.

"Hey Ash, Jake and Sean are inside right now, but I'm sure they'd like to see how happy you are right now. It's always tickles 'em."

"Shut it, and what's with the hug? I just saw you two days ago."

"Oh man, you're a catch tonight, here, take the cases in there so we can start sound check, shoo shoo!"

"Bossy." I do as I'm told.

I see Sean, and give him a big hug, because he deserves one.

"Hey baby girl. How you doing?"

"I'm fine, here take this shit while I go get more."

"That good, huh? Haha, okay."

I let him take the boxes, and decide I need a little bit of time to myself. I don't know if can see more people who are going to be asking me how I'm doing all night.

I find a room that has our band's name on it, that's currently empty.

There's a couch, a bathroom, and a big mirror in this room.

Plus some lamps and things I currently don't care enough to notice.

I lay down in the dark, also not bothering to turn on the light. There's a light on in a small back room, that's enough to see my way around.

I exhale, listening to the sound of silence.

Hah. Simon and Garfunkel.

I lay there for who knows how long, before hearing a voice that almost makes me jump clear off the couch.


	28. Chapter 28

*********Ashley**********

"I'd hoped you'd come here sooner rather than later…I guess I got my wish."

I shoot up off the couch, and flick on the light switch with impressive speed.

"How the…"

"Aiden, he helped me get in. And…hide in here."

"Of course. That's probably why he's been avoiding me too, right?"

"Yes...he's been...trying to help me get you alone so I can say the things I need you to hear. All the things I haven't said yet that I know you need to hear..."

"What...what more could you say, Spencer?"

"Can I just talk to you for a minute? Please?"

"Spencer, I don't even think I can…"

"Please?"

I look at her. And I love her. And I hate her. She's beautiful. I see all the things I want and need, but I also see through it.

And that kills me.

"No."

"No?"

"Look…this past week, I've had a great time living in this dream world with you, where insecurities and the past don't exist. If I'm being honest with you, and myself…I've fallen in love with you again. Harder than before. But when we almost kissed…I could feel it burning into my skin. The fact that you don't know what you want. Even if you did, you're too scared to get it and to hold onto it, like before. I can't be your friend. And I can't be more... I can barely even be around you. It hurts, way too much."

"Ash…"

"There's no way you can help me anymore, Spencer. There's no way you could ever make me trust you again. I bet you couldn't even tell your mom we were...whatever we have been moving towards. I mean, without knowing that she told me that I needed to be with you in the bathroom of your house last week."

"She said that…?"

"Yes Spencer, she said that, among a thousand other things that was just…wishful thinking. She couldn't heal me. She wasn't the one who broke me. Fear runs deep…if you were scared to be with me back then, then you still will be now. I just…I'm scared of you. I'm scared you'll pull away again."

She's crying now. "Ashley, please…"

"Who knows when, though? It took you two years last time, until the day you had to tell your mom about us. That was the day you started to pull away. Next…you'll go to tell a cousin or an old friend from Ohio or the world, since I'm already under constant fucking scrutiny. And you'll get scared of them knowing you're gay, and you'll close off from me again. Do you really want to do that to me? Do you really think I'll survive that, Spencer?"

The fact that she's been with Patrick this whole times proves to me that she hasn't even worked on it.

I feel myself closing up, looking at her grief stricken, tear streaked face. I know I'm breaking her…and I have to not care. I have to leave this room and not look back.

I have to believe I'll get over this again. And so will she.

"Spence…"

I say her name, the way she wants to hear it. I say that as a goodbye, then I turn around and walk out of the door behind me.

I can't watch more.

I can't.


	29. Chapter 29

********Ashley*********

It's a few hours before we go onstage, and we're sitting around, checking our instruments. I'm playing with the height of my microphone stand, just for something to do with my hands.

I keep raising and lowering it, changing the angle, moving it from one spot to another, every direction is driving me up a wall.

"Let me help you," Sean walks over to help me.

"Thanks, Sean. When's Paramore getting here again? I'm beginning to go slightly crazy."

"Kyla said they were already here, their parked outside in the bus."

"Oh, super, when's their soundcheck then? I'm I just supposed to sit around drilling a hole into my own head about this microphone? I have nothing else to do Sean. I'm bored."

That was only slightly true. I'm not really bored…the adjustment of a microphone just wasn't filling the gaping hole in my chest.

And all the waves crashing around me.

"Well let's go out there and find out what's going on!"

"That's better!" I smile and follow him to side stage, where some crew members were messing with a huge board with buttons and lights on it.

We walk past the hallway that contains the room I left her in earlier.

What? I might as well get used to not saying her name anymore again.

We finally get to the back door, when a few people start walking in, including someone with red and orange hair.

And then I officially lose my shit. Internally of course, what kind of professional do you think I am?

"Hey!" Hayley says as she extends her hand to me with a big smile on her face.

"Hi, oh my god, I honestly can't believe that this is real life right now."

"Hahah, aw that's nice! I heard some of your guy's music, it's sick dude. Have you played here before?"

"No, I've always wanted to, I actually saw you guys play here in 2006 and I haven't been able to find my face since. Because you guys…melted my face. From the rocking."

Yeah okay, I'm a spaz but shut the fuck up, alright?

She laughs and says, "well thanks! Yeah dude I remember that show, that's so crazy that you saw that back then and are here now, I love that."

"Oh me too, you have no idea." We both laugh a little, then after saying hi to Taylor and Jeremy, they walk off to get their sound check done.

Kyla walks up to me to make a joke about wiping drool off my face.

"Oh hardy har har Kyla. You can't tell me you acted any better when you first met them before me."

"Actually, their not my favorite band so I think I acted pretty calm."

"Blasphemy. Get away from me, your irritating the star struck feeling that I have."

"Fine. But I can't find Aiden anywhere. I need you to help me look for him."

"Oh, well have you checked up Spencer's skirt?"

Just then Aiden walked in, looking a little flustered.

"Where the hell have you been Aiden? You missed soundcheck." Kyla's in full manager mode tonight.

"I was just outside. What's the big deal?"

"Well you have to like the set up the roadie gave you or else. You miss soundcheck, you miss out on enjoying the drums the way you like them."

She walks away with an irritated look on her face.

"Man, she's really at it tonight, huh?"

I don't reply. I don't even look at him.

"What?"

"Can't you just stay out of my life?"

"What?"

"You brought Spencer here. Here! The night I'm supposed to meet Hayley Williams, are you insane?!"

"She…Ash she needed to see you. She had things she needed to say, and after hearing them myself, I thought you needed to hear them too."

"I don't give a fuck what she had to say Aiden, it means nothing. And I thought our friendship meant more, but I guess not."

"Ash!"

He calls after me but I'm already walking away.

It's now an hour before we play, and Kyla's walking up to me really fast.

"Ashley come on, we're meeting in our green room." I hesitantly follow.

When we reach the door, Kyla opens it…but I see no one but the band members who have already congregated. Pretty much everyone except me was already here.

I guess she left. I guess she actually listened to me. Although, to make sure, I checked the back room where she was waiting earlier. But nothing.

I'm trying to not admit to myself that I'm a little disappointed.

So instead I focus on glaring at Aiden's head.

"Okay everyone, we're going to go on in exactly 45 minutes, if anyone of you disappears again before the concert is over, I swear I'm going to have your head on a plate," Kyla says while waving around a clipboard, as if she was going to start shopping heads here and now.

"Kyla, maybe you should take one of Ashley's Zanex, or whatever it is she takes to keep her from jumping off the walls like your doing now?" Jake suggests, while popping chex mix into his mouth.

"Look, this may be funny to you guys, but this could land us with a lot more shows. This is a big one for us this year."

"Kyla," I start in, "we have a million shows a year. We're sold out on 9/10's of the shows already, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is, we're not big ENOUGH. We have to be IT you guys, the band who everyone's talking about!"

"I think she's let this all go to her head," Jake whispers to Sean, before Kyla throws a pen at him.

"You guys just be ready, okay? Hair and make up done now, Ashley, let's go."

"Uh Kyla, my hair and make up IS done."

"Are you sure?"

"Kyla, go do some yoga. Or some guy, even. Just calm down." I say as I pass her and walk out of the room.

For the next 30 minutes, we listen to people filling the auditorium. I talked with Paramore a bit more over the last couple of hours, but now was our band's time to come together and do our pre-show rituals.

We chant and do all our things we do, and Aiden's on the other side of the circle as me, looking sad the whole time, like a big baby.

When we get finished and wait for the next few minutes before going out on stage, I pull Aiden aside.

"You were an ass today, but I can't stay mad at you. So just hug me and let's get over it already."

"Yeah…okay." He smiles at me and gives me a hug that lifts me three feet off the ground.

"Thanks, Ash."

"Yeah, yeah, let's go!"

Kyla's motioning for us to take the stage, and before I know it, I'm standing before a HUGE crowd. This is probably the biggest show we've ever played for.

I walk up to the mic, as the crowd starts going crazy for the show to start already.

"What's up LA?!" I shout as they all get louder.

"Let's fucking do this!"

We start out with one of our most popular songs at the moment, and start rocking out.

It's nearing the end of our set, and we're on the last part of our last song.

I'm singing out the ending words, and listening to them sing them along with me.

I'm flying, this is most definitely the best show I've ever played, and the most fun I've had playing for a crowd in years.

I just look at them all as the song comes to a close, bow, and say, "Thank you, LA!" And walk off the stage with the rest of my band.

We're all completely soaked through with sweat, we gave it all we had tonight.

I just wish there was more of me to give.

Paramore's crew goes out onstage to start the set up as the lights brighten up again, and softer music starts to play.

"You guys that was amazing! Ashley what was that air kick about?" Kyla looks at me in amazement.

"I don't know. It just felt good."

"It looked sick!"

"Kyla you did not just say sick. You listen to Enya."

"So? Enya's amazing."

"I'm not saying she's not, I'm just saying, as a person who listens to nothing but Enya practically, you really can't say the word sick. It's unbecoming of a lady."

She gives me a look and goes to congratulate the rest of the band while I go start drying myself off with a towel.

"Man that was an awesome show!" Hayley and the rest of the band were standing off to the side of the stage, about to get ready to do their pre-show rituals too.

"Oh my god, thank you, I'm glad I'm sweating so you can't see how crazy I'm blushing right now."

She laughs and says, "are you going to watch the show?"

"Hell yeah, I wouldn't miss it!"

"Good, there's something I want to see during it."

"What, when?"

"You'll know it when you see it!"

She smiles and runs over to her band, while I start gulping down a cold water bottle.


	30. Chapter 30

**I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far! I've read all your reviews about a million times, and I enjoy everyone of them! This is my very first fan fiction, and I hope to write more in the future!**

 **Anyway, here's Chapter 30!**

The second Paramore takes the stage the whole crowd explodes.

They start off with an intro they wrote for That's What You Get, and the whole crowd's just loving it, and me and the band are jumping around side stage too.

It's going amazing, their six songs in already and I'm still looking for something I'm supposed to be watching out for.

Maybe I can't see it from here?

I can't go out to the crowd, they'd eat me alive.

So I just stand here. For three more songs.

I'm starting to get nervous, like maybe it's already happened, and she's going to be like, "hey did you see it?" afterward, and I'm gonna be like, "….um…sure!" And just lie, oh for fuck's sake.

All the sudden, they finish playing "One of Those Crazy Girls," and Hayley starts talking again.

"How ya doin' Los Angeles?"

They freak out.

"So who here has heard of the band that played before us? Raise your hand high!"

Whoa, a lot of hands.

"Well, I've only met them today, actually. They're awesome dudes, and their lead singer, whoo she could give me a run for my money, let me tell you. Anyway, I got to know their drummer, Aiden, pretty well, and he told me a story that I can't exactly ignore, guys."

I look over at Aiden, more confused than I think I've ever been in my whole life.

"And he introduced me to someone, who I think has something she needs to say. So if you all would politely welcome Spencer to the stage, I would be very grateful!"

Everyone starts clapping and whooping, and my jaw drops to the floor.

Please be Spencer Breslin.

Much to my dismay, a beautiful blonde steps onto stage from the other side, and walks over to Hayley.

"Um…hi." She starts, and looks like she's about to pass out form nervousness.

"I'm Spencer, obviously, and um…you may think I'm nervous because of what I'm about to say, but I promise," she looks over straight at me, "I'm only nervous because there are so many of you and so few of me, and I've never really been on a stage before…anyway…I'm not nervous about what I'm about to say though, because I've never been more sure of something in my whole life."

I stare at her, while she steals determined glances at me.

"A long time ago, I hurt Ashley Davies. I was scared to be with her, scared for people to know that I was gay. And I know I did so much damage…but I'm up here, because I have to try. I have to tell the world how I feel. Because I'm not scared anymore. I'm not scared to be with you, Ashley."

Now she's looking right at me, along with everyone else.

"I will try anything I can, for the rest of my life, to make you realize how much I want to be with you, forever… And how I will never, ever break your heart, ever again. Ashley Davies, I'm in love with you. And I always will be."

Everyone starts clapping, but she's still looking at me like I'm the only person in the room…and for me, she is the only person in the room.

I walk over to her, onstage, and wrap my arms around her. The applause is getting louder, but I barely notice.

I just notice the warm body I'm pulling further into my arms, the feeling of her presence, filling the hole in my chest, bringing me back from where I went seven years ago.

All the sudden, I realize we need to get off stage, so I let her go, give Hayley a quick hug, and grab Spencer's hand to pull her with me.

I drag her past Kyla, Aiden, Jake, Ethan, the roadies, the sound crew, the room where I told her I never wanted to see her again, past the back door, past the cars, and into the black SUV me and Kyla drove here.

I jump in the driver's seat, pull the keys out of the sun visor, and turn on the engine.

"Ashley…"

"Not yet. Okay? Not yet."

"Okay."

I pull up to her parent's house 20 minutes later, and she looks at me with understanding.

"Okay. Come on." She slides out the car without hesitation.

We walk up her to door, and she pulls it open and walks inside to the living room.

"Hey girls! I'm just watching a little bit of Days of Our Lives, sorry," she says as she wipes tears off her face.

Spencer giggles, and grabs my hand to pull me in front of the couch with her.

"Mom?"

Paula looks down at our joined hands.

"Yeah?" She says as she looks up, a small smile growing on her face.

"I love Ashley. And I'm going to be with her…if she'll have me. I'm sorry for all the heartache this has put you through, and I'm sorry about all the guilt you still feel. But it's okay…because I love her, and nothing's going to stop me from trying to be happy, for me, from now on. Okay?"

Paula stands up suddenly, and rushes to give us a huge hug.

"Oh god, I can't cry from soaps AND from my daughter's speech of her being in love in the same night, you're making me look like a softie, Spencer!" She laughs, and looks at me. She gives me a kiss on the cheek, and I feel the surprise fill my face.

"Thank you girls."

"For what?" I say, the first thing I've said since I got into the car at the venue.

"You just…you gave me some hope tonight. So much hope."

We talk a little more, before we go back out to the car.

I'm still quiet.

After we get back into the car, Spencer looks at me.

"Ashley?"

"Still not yet. I promise, soon. I just…I'm still having a hard time believing this is real. Give me a few more minutes."

"Okay, take your time."

We drive in silence all the way back to my hotel, get out of the car, walk up to the room, and unlock the door, all without saying one word.

When she steps into the room behind me, I shut the door and turn around to face her.


	31. Chapter 31

**This is the last chapter I have planned, so for me it ends here. If you guys liked this story, I'll probably write more stories! If you want me to continue this story, to see what happens, also let me know (: I just thought this was a good ending point, but I definitely have more in mind of where it would go after this! So let me know if you want more of this story or if you think I should write another one (:**

 **Thanks again!**

"Spence…"

She looks a little worried.

"Yeah?"

"Promise me."

She closes the few steps that are in between us, and picks up my hand.

"I promise you. By tomorrow, there won't be a person on the planet that doesn't know. And I'm still here, Ash. I haven't gone anywhere. Not even shaking in my flats, look!"

She lifts up her foot to my face and I laugh and smack it away.

When I look up…I realize she really is still here.

She just confessed her love to me to a crowd of people that all have Tumblr's and Twitter's and Facebook's, and she's still standing here in front of me.

I put my hand up to her face lightly, trying to get the hang of this feeling.

"Ashley, I meant everything I said. I'm so sorry, Ash…"

"Can you just be quiet for a second?"

She looks at me with her eyes, those eyes that have the ocean and the stars in them.

I lean in, and let my lips lightly graze her bottom lip, then let them softly form to hers. I breath into the kiss, slightly not able to understand what's happening. We stay like this for what could be hours, but is probably more like minutes.

I feel her breath catching, her heart rate increasing under my hand that's slid down from her face to her neck.

I pull away, and look at her.

"I trust you, Spence."

It was like that was all I needed to open the flood gates.

I push her up against the door, and put my hand in her hair before sliding my lips onto hers, making no effort to go slow.

My breathing becomes labored, as I try to slow down my thoughts, but I can't help myself. I feel like I've been doing nothing but waiting for this moment for 7 years, and she's just as hurried, as I feel her slide her hand from my neck, down to back, and underneath my shirt.

I shiver, but I don't want to stop this time.

I want more.


End file.
